When Blaine and Adrienne woke up on their 14th anniversary, they didn’t have grand plans. No reservation at a fancy restaurant. No weekend getaway. Just another August morning—until their two kids decided to turn it into something memorable. (Listen to the Podcast HERE)
Nine and seven years old, they woke early, cut paper hearts, arranged them on the stairs, wrote notes, and even prepared a heart-shaped breakfast of grapes, cherries, and Canadian KitKats. The thoughtfulness wasn’t just sweet—it was a reflection of something deeper: a home where friendship between husband and wife is alive.
Friendship is often underrated in marriage. Ask someone what they want in a spouse and you’ll hear words like “kind,” “attractive,” “hard-working,” “funny.” But if you press further, most people are really describing a friend. Someone who knows them, enjoys them, and chooses them.
Why Friendship Matters More Than You Think
Romance can be exciting. Partnership can be productive. But friendship is what makes marriage sustainable. It’s what allows you to sit on the couch after a long day, say nothing, and still feel deeply connected. It’s what gives you the inside jokes that make no sense to anyone else. It’s what makes anniversaries worth celebrating—not just as a date on the calendar, but as a reminder of someone you genuinely enjoy doing life with.
When friendship erodes, marriage becomes a business arrangement. You divide tasks, coordinate schedules, and discuss bills. You may still sleep under the same roof, but without shared laughter, curiosity, and delight, the relationship becomes transactional.
Why Friendship Often Fades
Most couples begin with friendship. In the early dating stage, you spend hours talking, asking questions, and discovering each other’s quirks. But over time, life crowds it out.
Kids come. Careers demand more. Social media steals your attention. You communicate about logistics instead of dreams. One day you realize you know your spouse’s calendar better than their current hopes.
For many couples, friendship is the first thing to fade. The absence isn’t obvious at first. But eventually, intimacy suffers.
Then you notice you’re not laughing together. That’s when you realize something’s missing.
Signs Your Friendship Needs Attention
- You can’t remember the last time you went out just for fun.
- Most conversations revolve around to-do lists.
- You spend more intentional time with other friends than with your spouse.
- You avoid certain topics because you’re afraid they’ll start a fight.
How to Rebuild Friendship
- Date Like You’re Still Dating – Ask open-ended questions. Be curious. Keep discovering.
- Share Experiences – Try something new together: cooking class, road trip, hiking trail. Shared novelty deepens connection.
- Create Daily Rituals – Ten minutes over coffee. A walk after dinner. No-screen time before bed.
- Laugh Again – Watch a funny movie. Tell stories from your early days. Humor heals distance.
- Slow Down in Dating – If you’re not married yet, let friendship take root before rushing into romance.
Lessons from Blaine & Adrienne
Their long-distance dating—before FaceTime—meant fewer daily check-ins and more intentional conversations. Their early years of marriage were tough, but shared challenges became shared victories. They moved multiple times, learned each other’s rhythms, and made adjustments when expectations collided.
Today, they’re still friends. That’s not accidental. It’s the result of choosing to enjoy each other, even when life is hard.
The Takeaway
If you’re dating, marry a friend. If you’re married, stay married to your friend. And if you’ve drifted, rebuild the friendship.
Romance will have its highs and lows. Partnership will have its tensions. But friendship can remain a steady thread, weaving the two of you together over decades.
Challenge: Sometime this week, set aside time to be friends again. No chores, no serious talks—just enjoy each other’s company.
