Sometimes I get tired of being nice.

I fantasize about what it would be like to:

• give people a piece of my mind
• say whatever I want to say
• return a rude action with a rude action
• hang up on someone
• yell at someone
• never speak to someone again

But it’s all a fantasy. In the end, I do my best to be loving, kind, thoughtful, and measured in every action I take. While I fail often, I try to be nice.

Yet I grow tired of it. (See: Two Steps to Solving 90% of Relationship Problems)

Niceness is part of the pastorate, or at least it should be. Not every pastor is nice, but then again not everyone who is a pastor should be a pastor.

A pastor should be nice, but that’s not because of the job; it’s because all people should be nice.

However, pastors and people alike grow weary of this niceness on occasion. We think and often say, “I’m tired of being nice.”

Whenever I say that, I have properly identified a problem, but I have wrongly assumed the solution. (See: You Hurt My Feelings)

The truth is, whenever I feel tired of being nice, I’m actually tired of being a hypocrite. I’ve grown weary of my outward actions not matching my inward desires.

The tension between the two is a problem, and I’m right in believing the tension shouldn’t exist.

But I’m wrong in thinking the solution to the problem is in being less nice. The last thing I need to be is less nice.

What I need to be is more loving, kind, generous, merciful, understanding, and empathetic. And I need my heart to desire more of these things.

The weariness I feel is not from being nice; it’s from being a hypocrite. (See: Weariness as a Symptom of Wrongness)

Being a hypocrite is exhausting. We have to fake an action while feeling something completely different. The dichotomy creates tension and the tension exhausts all energy.

While hypocrisy is troubling, what’s more troubling is when I blame other people for my failings. When I feel tired of being nice, what I’m actually believing is that other people are exhausting me. I think they are my problem and they are lucky at how kind I’m treating them.

So I’m a hypocrite who believes everyone else is wrong while I’m right and the only reason we continue to have a peaceful relationship is because of my generosity of kindness.

This thinking might make me feel better, but it is not true. (See: When Others Offend You)

The truth lies in feeling the problem, but understanding a different solution.

Whenever I grow weary of a good action, it is a reminder that something is wrong with my heart. Some aspect of who I am is not in line with who I want to be. The problem is not my action, but my heart.

Knowing this truth changes my perspective when weariness comes. I still feel the tension, but I tell myself the truth regarding the actual problem. I’m not tired of being nice. I’m tired because my heart is not as kind as I want it to be.

I must continue to restrain my wrong desires, act in a kind and loving way, and find ways to transform my heart into what I desire it to be.

Are you tired of being nice? Good. Your weariness can be a teacher which reveals a heart that’s in need of change.

The next time you find yourself fantasizing about what you can do in response to another person, stop, pray, consider what that reveals about your heart, and change.