Aug 152013 4 Responses

We Are Happy with our Decision, Thank You

People mean well.

  • The co-worker who has a cousin that went through a similar situation as you
  • The friend who has an uncle who had a great result
  • The mother-in-law who has a bit more experience in raising kids than you

They mean well.

They desire what is best for you, your family, your children, and everyone involved.

They mean well which is why they invade your privacy, give advice you have not asked for, and butt into your business even though they have not been invited.

What do you say in moments like these?

How can you be kind, courteous, and yet, clear that this is your decision and not theirs?

I have a line which I have found works very well with persistent people who are trying to get involved in a decision that is not their business.

Say, “We are happy with our decision, thank you.”

It works in a variety of situations:

  • When grandma critiques how you parent
  • When a fellow church member thinks you are too strict
  • When your cousin thinks you should get a second medical opinion
  • When your father-in-law doesn’t like how you spend money
  • When someone doesn’t like where you go to church

say, “We are happy with our decision, thank you.”

Some would say this is too simple of a process. Many people are far too persistent for one little sentence to convey the proper message. Yet I have found the sentence to be very effective.

I say it the first time, “We are happy with our decision, thank you” and I mean it. I’m grateful the person cares enough for me to say what they need to say. I’m happy to be able to share with them our contentment while thanking them for their courage to speak in an attempt to help.

If they persist, I say, “We are happy with our decision, thank you.” The second time I say it, I am making it clear that our mind is made up. It is our decision, we have made it, and we are not changing our minds unless we decide to do so.

When they persist, I say, “We are happy with our decision, thank you.” The third time I say it, I am clearly communicating that we will not be discussing this issue. I’m all for discussion, but I’m for discussion with the people whose business it is to discuss the issue. I’m against discussion with people who have no right or responsibility for the decision.

Whenever I say there is one statement which will keep others from invading their privacy, most people don’t believe me. I understand their doubt. A lot of people are persistent and they work hard to interject their opinion and beliefs in situations where it does not belong.

However, time has proven this one statement to be effective. I’m yet to hear of a situation where if the person kept repeating the statement, the other party didn’t eventually get the message.

We all need help. We all need insight from others. Yet many things are our responsibility. We have to make the best decision possible and other people have to allow us to make that decision. “We are happy with our decision, thank you” assists us in dealing with well-meaning people.

 

4 Responses to We Are Happy with our Decision, Thank You
  1. dennyneff Reply

    Well said Pastor. It conveys your position in a way that is unambiguous and to the point. It’s certainly kinder than saying “It’s none of your business” or “Mind your own business” yet conveys that message to anyone with a brain. I’m so glad you continue to make that statement repeatedly because there are folks out in the world who are denser than reinforced cement. That answer also demonstrates grace and love. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this as I, for one, appreciate the advice and guidance.

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