Jan 142016 10 Responses

5 Signs He Doesn’t Love You

For centuries, girls have been wondering “he loves me, he loves me not.” While normally picking at the petals of a flower, the old French game reveals a conundrum for women–does the man I love, love me back?

Finding the true answer is not easy. The words “I love you” can be as easily fabricated as truthfully told. While words are important, they are not the ultimate proof of true love. Actions are.

Here are 5 common actions from men who are not in love:

1. He won’t commit to you. While it’s good to take your time in a relationship to get to know one another, there comes a point where a decision has to be made. Either get married or break-up. It’s a waste of time to live in-between. When a man won’t pop the question long after he should have, it’s a sign he is using you and not loving you. He might like you, but he isn’t acting in a loving way toward you. (See: What to Look for in a Spouse)

2. He won’t tell you the truth. Love and truth are deeply related. Intimacy cannot exist outside of the truth. If a man won’t tell you the truth, he either believes you aren’t worth the time or you aren’t worth the effort. Either way, it’s a bold announcement he does not love you. Remember: If he’s lying, your relationship is dying.

3. He won’t make an effort. When a man loves a woman, he works for her. Even if he gets laid off or downsized, he gets up day after day in an attempt to find a job. Because he loves her, he wants to provide for her. If a man won’t make an effort to provide for a woman, he isn’t just lazy, he is also failing to act in a loving way. Yet effort is more than just physical labor, it also includes emotional and relational work. If a man won’t make an effort to improve the relationship, he doesn’t love you. True love motivates a man to work; like and lust do not.

4. He won’t spend time with you. Life has many time demands and in some periods of life, we have very little time. But if a man loves you, he is always attempting to find time to spend with you. When he always has an excuse for why you can’t spend time together, he doesn’t love you. Time is often a truth serum of intention. We find ways to spend time with those we love. We find ways to avoid time with those we don’t love. If he won’t give you quality time, he doesn’t deserve any of your time.

5. He won’t grow up for you. Life is full of different seasons. Love, as expressed between a man and a woman, is an adult reality. It’s a grown-up sport. When a man remains a boy, he does not love you. If he won’t give up the video games, stop staying out all hours of the night, and start living within a season of adulthood, he does not love you. Dating a boy might be fun, but you need to be married to a man. Never foolishly believe that giving a boy what only a man deserves will cause the boy to grow up. It won’t. If he won’t grow up, get out. (See: Pastoral Advice for Single Women)

Early in a relationship, it’s fair for a man not to love a woman. Asking a girl out doesn’t guarantee that love will follow. However, when a fair amount of time has passed, a choice has to be made. Either he will choose to love you or he won’t.

What saddens me is to watch as men clearly aren’t loving their significant other, but the girl is hoping he eventually will or sadly assuming he is. While moments of the previous five points might appear in any relationship, when any of these ideas become prevalent, love is absent.

What could be the 6th sign he doesn’t love you?

10 Responses to 5 Signs He Doesn’t Love You
  1. Kim Reply

    This came at the perfect time. #4 especially confirms what my instincts have been telling me and the clarity I’ve been praying for. I’m reading You Turn right now and really enjoy it!

  2. shanna Reply

    Sad i feel this way and im married

  3. Sally Reply

    Thanks Kevin for this 5 signs. I believe the 6th is when he wants to keep your relationship a secret, either married or wants to use you.

  4. Lily Reply

    Everything was okay until the part about giving up videogames for a girl. I don’t know what kind of videogames you played but no man or woman should have to give up videogames for love. I’m a 30 year old woman, married to a 32 year old man, with a sweet 6yearold boy. WE play videogames TOGETHER in our home and have lots of quality time helping our son through games like Ni No Kuni, watching how his world expands and he learns of other cultures and traditions…I shake my head at the way you think being an adult is giving up videogames…I see you haven’t matured enough yet.

  5. J Reply

    As a guy I disagree with this article which in my opinion only promotes a victim ‘he done me wrong’ mentality amongst women and is generally misleading. It is perfectly possible to be madly in love with a woman and not be able to commit to her for reasons such as age, logistics and life-plans. Love does not conquer all unfortunately. It is also possible to love a woman and not commit to her because she simply does not bring enough to the table in the relationship to warrant the commitment (for example she is financially/emotionally needy and does not support her man’s career/life-goals either). Again, it is not love that stops a man commiting – it is often the behaviour of the woman or circumstance – under the right circumstance and with a woman who behaves in the correct way and improves the man’s life, a man will commit in 99% of cases – it’s just that simple.

    The point about truth is also questionable – ‘Do I look like fat?’ ‘Do you not like that meal I cooked?’ ‘Do you think that waitress is hot?’ A man will often lie to these questions precisely because he does love his partner and wants to protect her feelings. With a girl he didn’t give a shit about the guy could simply respond – ‘yes, you actually look pretty fat, the meal you spent hours cooking tasted like shit and that waitress is damned smoking, I can’t stop thinking about her ass.’ Would he say all that stuff to a woman he loved, even if it were the truth – Hell no! He loves her – he’s going to lie!

    I do agree with the time and effort thing though. I think that applies to both sexes.

  6. Nikki Reply

    Kevin, how would this article equate to the experiences of a married couple?

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  10. Greenbean950 Reply

    Telling the truth is foundational to any relationship. A person does not respect you if they are willing to lie to you. You become a means to an end for them rather than the end itself. I learned the hard way that a person who will lie to you once, will do so even after you are married.

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