Aug 262013 38 Responses

My Best Advice for Single Women

Single women, listen: don’t sleep with him until he is willing to die for you.


I’m not being overly-dramatic.

I’m not being legalistic.

I’m not being prudish.

Do not sleep with him until he is willing to make a life-altering commitment to you, promising to God, your family and to you that he will love you, protect you, honor you, and be willing to give his life for you.

Until then, do not have sex with him. (See: Dating to Break Up–a Unique Perspective)

God knows what he is talking about. He saved sex for marriage for a reason.

Sex is one of the great bonds between a husband and wife.

To take it outside of its intended context is to invite a plethora of negative consequences into our lives.

One of those consequences is a society where girls become women, but boys never grow up.

There is an epidemic of boys failing to mature into manhood. They are selfish, egotistical, and unwilling to take personal responsibility. John Piper tells a great example in his article Can You Define the Relationship.

Make no mistake: men are responsible for their actions. Single women are not to blame for boys failing to become men.

However, women must ask themselves, “What do we do in this culture in which many boys refuse to become men?”

One answer: refuse to sleep with them until they are willing to die for you.

It’s not the only answer. It’s not a perfect answer. Yet it is a practical step in response to the current problem.

Imagine how different the world would be if the only way a smart, attractive, intelligent women would have sex with a man was if he was willing to play the true role of a man.

What if women said, “I don’t sleep with boys?”

  • If you want me, get a job.
  • If you want me, move out of your parents house.
  • If you want me, date me for at least a year so I can see you in every aspect of life.
  • If you want me, be a spiritual leader.
  • If you want me, use your God given strength to help others.
  • If you want me, stop looking at other women.
  • If you want me, stop flirting with other women.
  • If you want me, prepare yourself to be financially stable.
  • If you want me, make me your top priority after God.

Instead, many women make it a habit of sleeping with boys while assuming they can change boys into men. Boys to men is a singing group; it is not the job description of women.

On a monthly basis, I speak with women who ask me, “Why won’t he marry me?” In nearly every situation, I respond, “Why should he? He has all of the privileges of marriage without any of the expectations.” (See: Don’t Blame God When You Break Up with Your Boyfriend)

You can’t play house with a man and then be surprised when he is unwilling to do more than just “play” the role of a husband or father.

Now again: men are responsible for their own actions. This is no excuse for what men are failing to do. This isn’t the fault of women, but it should change how women live in this culture.

On a regular basis I stand with a couple before a crowd of people as they commit their earthly lives solely to one another. Women, until that commitment is made, don’t sleep with him.

And for all the married women who agree with this, who have someone who has committed his life for you, and who married a real man—do sleep with him, often.


38 Responses to My Best Advice for Single Women
  1. […] is so powerful, do not bring it into a relationship until marriage. As I often tell single women, do...
  2. […] written about it a lot: If I Could Only Tell Wives One Thing, Pastoral Advice for Single Women, and ...
  3. […] Pastoral Advice for Single Women The idea for this article was born from a decade of grieving besid...
  4. […] are committing their lives to one another—literally they are promising to die for one another (Rem...
  5. […] 1. The question is regarding a dating relationship not a married relationship. When we are dating, w...
  6. […] And we are fools for it. (See: Pastoral Advice for Single Women) […]...
  7. […] Some engage in the “hook-up” culture. Refusing to take the risk and be known, they pretend they ...
  8. […] is why sex should be saved for marriage. It’s only after a person is found worthy of me devoti...
  9. […] 4. Move in with boyfriend/girlfriend. Living together before marriage greatly hinders lasting relati...
  10. […] 5. He won’t grow up for you. Life is full of different seasons. Love, as expressed between a m...
  11. […] You move more slowly both physically and emotionally. If you know the relationship will end, you are...
  12. […] Sex is meant for marriage. While few people wait for marriage, sex is more satisfying in the boundar...
  13. […] If you aren’t married yet: Whenever you pick your future spouse, make sure you choose a man/wo...
  14. […] Far too often, boys are reaping all the benefits of a relationship with a woman without any of the r...
  15. […] wonderful thing. When she intertwines her life with a bad man, she is in for great heartache. (See: ...
  16. […] They are unengaged to be a part of or some may need a bill every month to make sure you host your pr...

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