Mar 142021 2 Responses

Never Give Fear the Driver’s Seat

You can’t banish fear. Those who claim to be completely fearless are either lying or aren’t fully aware of all the dangers around them. Fear is a common aspect of human experience. However, we don’t have to let fear be in the driver’s seat of our lives. We have to feel it, but we don’t have to be controlled by it.

In Fearless Families, the first chapter reminds us that fear is a bad driver. When we allow fear to dictate our decisions, we will not experience the outcomes we desire. Instead, our lives will end up wrecked. Yet the book is not implying that we can or should banish all fears. Instead, my hope is that we will put fear in its proper place–the back seat. It should occupy a seat in the car, but should never be given more influence than it deserves.

Yet most of us do not put fear in its proper context. Rather than putting it in the backseat where it doesn’t drive us, we either throw it the keys or allow it in the passenger’s seat where it can influence every decision. (See: How COVID Scared the Hell Into Us)

Three Seats

So the question isn’t whether we feel fear, we do. The question is what seat does fear occupy in our lives. We have three choices.

Driver’s Seat. When fear is in the driver’s seat, we have submitted who we are and what we do to it. We are no longer in control of our lives. Instead, fear dictates every decision. It haunts us. It may be such a part of our lives that we don’t even realize it. Like a fish not recognizing the water, we may not recognize how dominating fear is to us.

Passenger Seat. When fear is in the passenger’s seat, we have more control, but it still influences us far too often. Imagine a passenger who is continually jumping, yelling, and hitting their foot against the floor like it is a brake. These actions will begin to influence your driving. While your mind should be on the road, it’s on your passenger. So it is with fear. When it’s in the passenger seat we are continually being influenced by fear.

Back Seat. When fear is in the back seat, we hear it, feel it, and recognize it. However, we don’t live by it. Instead, we push fear to the side and make the best decision possible. We feel as much fear as anyone, but we don’t experience the negative consequences of having it influence us. Instead, we receive the positive consequences that come from choosing the loving way. (See: This is the Most Personal Book I’ve Written)

Which Seat

So which seat does fear occupy in your life? To assist you with evaluating yourself, I’ve made a simple 10 question quiz. Quickly answer the questions to see how fear is impacting you. Send the quiz to a friend or loved one and compare scores.

The Book

Want to know how to put fear in the backseat? Read Fearless Families. It’s not just a book written for a mom and dad with two small kids. Anywhere a group of people interacts with each other, they impact the fear each of them is experiencing. Either they increase that fear because anxiety begets anxiety or they reduce the fear. Imagine a workplace, friend group, team, and family that continually reduces the fear of one another and empowers each member to choose the way of love. That is the purpose of Fearless Families.

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2 Responses to Never Give Fear the Driver’s Seat
  1. […] All of these questions are focused on me. (See: Never Give Fear the Driver’s Seat) […]...

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