Some decisions are too important for a child to make.
Good parents do not allow their children to choose if they:
- go to school
- eat
- sleep
- go to church
- obey
While children should be allowed to make many choices, there are some decisions which are too important for them to be trusted with.
Sports fall into this category. (See: Why You Should Never Yell at a T-Ball Umpire)
How can a 7th grader be entrusted with such a life-altering decision of whether or not they engage in athletic competition.
Too much value is found in sports for a a child’s participation to be left up to them.
A parent should force their children to play sports.
Most of the time. (See: Your Child Isn’t That Good)
Sure there are exceptions. Not every child will have the ability or talent to play sports, but those cases are far more rare than we often assume. A majority of children should be forced to play something.
The value of athletics is too great.
And this is truer today than ever.
In a society where obesity is at the core of many leading causes of death and in my own country 1/3 of all adults are obese, it is almost a parent’s moral obligation to ensure physical activity for their children.
Living in a time where narcissism is on the rise among youth, the value which sports can bring of teaching teamwork, dedication, and dealing with success and failure is vital.
Children need to be involved in sports and parents are the ones who should make the decision for them.
Notice what I haven’t said. I did not say:
We should become one of those parents trying to live our athletic dreams through our children.
We should place sports above all other things.
We should live a life out of balance because of a sports schedule.
We should pressure our children to win. (See: Three Things a Parent Should Do From the Stands)
I said we should make them play, but even as we do so, we should be the one’s making sure everyone keeps the proper perspective on the activity.
Notice another thing I did not say. I did not say a parent should force a child to play a specific sport. I do not believe they should.
A parent should require their child play something. A parent should expose their child to several activities and as the child grows, the child should control which sports he or she plays. I demand THAT you play; you choose WHAT you play.
By allowing the child to pick which activities to do, it empowers them to express themselves, learn to control their lives, and understand the consequences of decisions.
The child choosing also helps the parent from becoming too involved in the child’s play. We should be diligent in assuring the child it is there decision what they play. They do not have to pick what we love or expect. They are free within the boundaries we have given them to choose whatever they desire. (See: What Makes a Little Boy Cry)
It can be a team sport or an individual sport. It can be something they do at school or an activity through another organization. It can be a sport which has games and keeps score or simply a physical activity for which there is no clear winner or loser. It can be football or Crossfit, but it will be something.
Every child needs to learn the discipline of regular physical activity. The sooner they make it a habit within their lives the longer they will reap the benefits. The issue is too important for a parent to leave the decision to a child.
Force your kids to play. They may not like it now, but they will thank you later.
For more, see:
Great advice! I would also add that dance is a great active for kids who love music and can’t seem to find a “sport” that works for them. I was that kid who couldn’t catch a ball to save my life and I hated most active things…but I loved dance. It isn’t considered to be an athletic option to many parents, but it’s a great choice for some kids.
I agree Brittney, dance is a wonderful option.
What if my child loves this one sport, but then they lose major interest in it? I believe nobody should force their child to play sports, if kids aren’t interested then don’t make them!
Agree, but why not also “force” them to play an instrument, try out for a play, participate in a community development effort, etc.?
I’m okay with that. My emphasis in this article was about the need for exercise. I’m fine with making them join you on a run and community service.
Children should not be “Forced to do anything” As of sports do keep them healthy and in shape, if they do not enjoy the sport and you are still forcing it on them the will burst like a bubble, and possibly have more anger issues, mental issues etc. ~ Dr. John Hazzer
(Doctor in psychology)
Children shouldn’t be forced to do anything? Obey? Go to school? Go to bed?
What If your child isn’t doing anything? And you gave them an option? Isn’t it your obligation as a parent to force them to make good decisions?
No, you shouldn’t force them to anything. You are their parents, teachers and guiders, not owners or controllers. If you think having them forced into sports “build character.” Well, you can forget having a future with them because the only “characteristic their building” is resentment towards you. If you’re enjoying forcing someone, especially your own child, to do something because they, as they are dependent on you, can’t stop you, that is just sickening. Kids are miserable when they are forced to play sports, which are intended to be fun activities, and often times hold back their team.
I am still a minor and here’s my personal story with this:
At around age 4, I was put into soccer, t-ball, and basketball. I had shown interest in none of these. At around age 6 they finally stopped with t-ball, because of a lot of crying and them deciding “maybe she doesn’t want to be the only girl on the team?” Soccer lasted till maybe 7ish when I started deleting the sign-up reminders on their phones, they still to this day claim I “had to much talent to waist” and to this day I cannot kick a ball correctly. Now this year something happened, it was halfway through second grade when they asked me if I would be ok going to a “harder school” I, having had no challenges in the school I was in, agreed quickly. The school they were transferring me to, whether I was ok with it or not, was a private religious school and required me to go and talk with the superintendent. When I was in the “interview” I was talked to a few times at the start, but my parents always said in one of those belittling “say hi little baby” tones what I should say. It was weird because I wasn’t uncomfortable answering. Apparently though, this behavior lined up with how they had portrayed me to school as the superintendent gave me a math problem(which was SUPER easy even for second grade me) and said it might be a little hard for me, since this was an “advanced schooling math problem.” I got the problem right and he didn’t say anything to me again, but started speaking to my parents. “I think you’re right to have her repeat a grade to help with her social skills,” he said. I was confused. It wasn’t like I didn’t have any friends. Life went on and the next year I was starting second grade all over again. I already know all of the stuff they teach us and have to put in no effort. During this time they discover the Y’s volleyball program. It’s not as bad as some of the other sports but I’m put into it the day before they asked me if I’d like to do it, and I’m still in rolled in basketball where I am trying to go against my character and force myself to like it, “maybe it would be better ifI wasn’t the only girl” Life keeps going, I’m bored in all subjects and gain a reputation at school as the person who asks the teacher, “What do we do when we’re done?” before 5 minutes have passed. Sports are torture and I’m miserable. My parents are aware, but still are forcing me to do them. By fifth grade, I have been the “smart kid” since 2nd grade, achieved a advanced college graduate standard reading comprehension level, read the Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace, made it to two school-wide (for this one top in 4th-8th grades) GeoBee competitions, taken an extracurricular class with the high school science teacher over anatomy, and been offered reading materials from upper grade teachers. Still sports, that I have been begging to quit, are all they can talk about. Now I’m in 6th grade, still spend 30/45 minutes of the class done with my work and now have and am miserable in sports
Just have them do chores, take a walk, ride a bike, run around the block
Marching band in high school was the route three of our children took. They got exercise, learned to work well with others, and benefited from the music. They began playing the instruments in middle school band. They chose which instrument they would play. Only one of our children did not end up in marching band. The band director in middle school tried to force her to play the flute when what she wanted to play was the drums. She eventually gave up band.
I have one who threw up on field day in first grade…she did dance and music there after. My other has many special needs including issues with balance and coordination. Sports are absolutely the best thing for her. I stopped doing PT and OT and she has run track, bowled, 7 yrs of t-ball, and recently started running the jr mud runs. She loves the friendships made, the cheers, and has improved far more rapidly than ever in therapy! I totally agree with the benefits of joining some kind of team or group. I also think it helps with work ethic and discipline. Thanks for the article
Forcing a child to play sports is dead wrong. I see absolutely no benefit what so ever. Most athletic people I encountered growing up spent most of their time bullying less athletic kids. I have been a musician all my life and teach violin and guitar lessons. I see parents unfairly push their children in music too, but at least in music, the child will not be forced to suffer physical pain and possible serious injury. Forcing a child to play sports is the equivalent of child abuse. I never played a sport, will never play a sport, and I am not obese or unhealthy. The so-called sports culture of our country is the root of a lot of problems. It stresses the importance of competition and the emphasis of being better than everyone else instead of nurturing a child in whatever they may excel in. I have never regretted not playing sports.
I still to this day feel the single best thing about being an adult is that no one can force me to play sports. I hated them that much. In fact, I am more fit now than I was when sports were forced on me in my youth. I have one child who likes sports and 3 who take after me. They are all fit, happy and well-adjusted people. If I could opt them out of physical education at school, I would, and let them do what they love instead: running around in the woods and riding bikes and playing with the dog.
And sports may keep kids out of trouble for a while (so does band, theater, scouts), many of the young people in my community who have been caught up in this current drug problem were high school athletes. Their addictions start with painkillers taken for sports injuries.
You have got to be the biggest idiot in the world if you think this advice is acceptable. Quitting sports was the best thing that I ever did. I was (and still am) so much happier without sport(s) in my life. Do NOT force your kids to play! It is dead wrong!
AJ, how do you stay in shape?
Sorry if I sounded harsh in my first comment, my apologies. But I work. Haven’t gained any weight since I quit.
Thanks AJ.
As long as your kids are active, then there is no need for them to play organized sports if they don’t want to. Sports should be about getting exercise while having fun. If it isn’t fun for them then it can be torture. I was terruble at sports as a kid and not only was it humiliating, it completely killed my self esteem. Other kids on the team became frustrated with me and were very mean. When my parents finally let me quit it was the best day of my life. Forcing tour children to play sports is horrible advice. There are plenty of ways to get exercise that don’t involve organized sports.
I have to say this is atrocious advice. I was forced to play competitive sports for years. It caused lifelong damage that I’m going to be treated for till the day i die. It also destroyed the parent-child relationship and ruined those lines of communication. Their decisions caused so much resentment that I rarely see my folks now 20 years later. If the choice is ever left to me, I will dump them in a nursing-home in a heartbeat.
As a child i deferred to their judgment assuming they were older and wiser. Now as an adult, i firmly believe they shouldn’t have had children and were complete fools.
While I don’t believe their intentions were malicious, the results of forcing sports has been devastating.
What fantasy world are you living in? Rare to not be able to play sports? Plenty of kids with bad eyesight. Even if it is rare so what? What about that one kid? You’re worried about physical health, how about emotional health? How about that kid who gets ostracized for not being good at sports or is too ugly. You know what it feels like to see a large group of people go out of their way to not pick you for some reason? The teacher sit there and watch? Ever had a teacher make fun of you? Bet you haven’t. You don’t need sports or exercise to be healthy. A simple walking is good enough. Even then though, why aren’t you worried about intelligence? Ever met an athlete who’s smart? I haven’t. Not to mention, 90% of all bullies and rapists are dumb jocks.
Thanks for this article, my husband has the same stance, while I worry about their happiness too much. We decided to push my 12 year old into a sport (we knew he’d be good at it) and he loved it and signed up again.
He didn’t love it at first, and their were plenty of awkward moments and fights about going to practice. But, he’s done a total 180.
Thanks for this article, it made a difference
I felt like you should give your children a choice to go to church when they reach middle school. When they start to develop they learn what they want to believe and have faith in.
Understandable. I have a different approach. I don’t think a 13 or 14-year-old always has the maturity to make decisions of such importance.
Mr. Thompson, I completely disagree with that statement. I may be biased, seeing as I AM a 14-year-old. However, I am a 14-year-old who is in all AP classes (two grade levels above in math), does yearbook design for my school, takes robotics, AND is forced to do a sport I despise. I think I have enough responsibility and maturity to quit this sport.
Zoey, thanks for the response. We might not disagree as much as it appears. I don’t think you should be forced to play a sport you despise. I think you should be forced to play a sport, but you get to pick which one (and simply working out on a regular basis counts in my opinion). So I would encourage your parents to let you find a physical activity which allows you to get great exercise.
I am in total agreement with Joe B. I was forced to compete in sports as child and it has done life long damage that I struggle with until this day. I was a naturally shy and reserved little girl to begin with and I remember literally throwing up from stress and anxiety days before a race and from the preasure to perform infront of others. I hated every minute of it and my feelings fell on deaf ears which in turn caused me to learn how to bottle up feelings and emotions. I suffered from severe anxiety and depression then and still do until this day. My brother was no exception and suffered from severe emotional problems as well. As a result, he eventually committed suicide. ” Forcing” children to do things like these means their thoughts, feelings and interests are being ignored and can cause identity disturbances and stunt emotional development. Instead of forcing a child to do something let them choose what interests them. Nothing is more important than a child’s emotional happiness and finding out what makes them happy and unique is the only way they can be raised to become happy, sucessful adults. On a side note, I am now 42 years old and have CHOSEN to eat right and workout regularly at the gym now. I can put a 21 year old to shame in a bikini! 🙂 I was actually a model for a period of time however my relationship with my parents is and forever will be damaged. I moved far away from them and frankly don’t really enjoy being around them for long periods of time. I have finally come to terms with the emotional damage that was done but it has been a very, very long and hard road for me. Those things can never be taken back. Having love and open communication with your child is SO important and if you are forcing a child to do something like sports, that means they are telling you I don’t like something and you are responding by saying “I don’t care how you feel, you are doing it anyway.” Great recipe for developing things like Borderline Personality Disorder.
Interesting. I had severe anxiety growing up also, and because of it I missed out on a lot of things that I regret. My parents never pushed or even encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone. I kind of resent them for that, they let me do whatever made me content. I stayed in my safe space and now I struggle as an adult.
I can empathize with some of the comments made about forcing children especially shy or unathehltic kids to participate in sports. However there is nothing wrong with “forcing” your child to exercise. It doesn’t want to do a sport so be it but the child can’t just sit around and do nothing. Like someone commented riding a bike or playing in the woods is perfectly acceptable. However the push towards computer gaming and laziness shouldn’t be.
Side note: blaming your parents because the forced you to play sports isn’t going to get you anywhere. They were doing what they thought was right you can’t blame them for that.
Yes you can, someone can be held responsible for his or her actions regardless of intent.
Yeah, pretty much every child abuser ever has claimed to have the child’s interest at heart.
I can empathize with some of the comments made about forcing children especially shy or unathehltic kids to participate in sports. However there is nothing wrong with “forcing” your child to exercise. It doesn’t want to do a sport so be it but the child can’t just sit around and do nothing. Like someone commented riding a bike or playing in the woods is perfectly acceptable. However the push towards computer gaming and laziness shouldn’t be.
Side note: blaming your parents because the yforced you to play sports isn’t going to get you anywhere. They were doing what they thought was right you can’t blame them for that. As one person commented it isn’t like telling your son or daughter I don’t care what you think, you choose to perceive it that way. Rather I care about you and want you to be healthy and active. They might not have chosen the best way to go about it but you shouldn’t blame all your emotional problems on your parents. Years of emotional damage because you had to play sports? Following your logic kids should be able to do anything they want. Most children don’t like reading, eating healthy food, going to school, attending religious services, etc. Should those also not be allowed? It seems you have resentment toward your parents when the problem probably lies with the way you were treated when you competed in those sports. If a parent were to fully obey their children the end up becoming narcisstic and more likely to have borderline personality disorder. Not feeling valued or feeling like people don’t care about your feelings causes a different class of mental disorders not associated with the former. However if simply playing sports makes you feel like that there are other problems going on that aren’t being shared in your short post. Also to insinuate that your parents caused your brother to kill themselves is far fetched and points to signs of a deeper problem that could have been possibly exasperated by sports but certainly not the main or even root cause.
I don’t think you’ve ever had this issue before and if you have, it’s not right to assume that it wasn’t all caused by that problem. Sure, there could have been external causes, which wasn’t mentioned, but from my personal experience, it can single handedly cause emotional damage. Admittingly, I am a shy kid. I am naturally anxious, not particularly active, nor am I very interested in sports. I have a good relationship with my family, my dad included; however, my dad has been pushing me to no end to pursue in sports that I don’t enjoy all that much. I play hockey during the winter and it’s been like that since I was around 7 or so, and I never wanted to play it. I think it was okay to make me play it for a few years, at least for me to understand the game a bit, but even 10 years later, I’m still given no choice, even after multiple emotional breakdowns and health issues that were directly linked to it. I’ve suggested playing badminton with friends and family from time to time, working out at the gym, biking, skiing, and even recreational skating with friends, yet that clearly isn’t enough for him and he only cares about official sporting, which I personally can’t stand. I believe that physical activity is important for kids, but forcing them into something they clearly do not enjoy is not benefiting them, unless their mental health isn’t something you particularly care about.
As for comparing it to religion, diets, school, and so on, it’s not quite the same thing. Religion is a belief, not necessarily something that brings any clear benefits, apart from morals and good behaviour, but it’s not really something you can force onto someone, because people can believe what they want, all you can do is influence them to follow your steps. Diets are much more versatile compared to sports, since there are an endless number of foods to choose from, it’s just a matter of knowing what they like and being creative. Usually this becomes a problem when the parents buy foods they like over what the kids like, or maybe because of budget reasons, but if it’s ever an apparent problem, there should be work arounds in most cases. One thing about school, is that (where I live) it is legally mandatory to attend school (up until high school), and if your child doesn’t show up for a set number of days, the parents could be in legal trouble. That’s not really the parents fault, though, since it’s a government law, but it’s also important for them to go, since it will very likely lead them to their future jobs. Sports on the other hand should be optional for the kids, but only after they give it an attempt to try it. It might be good for them to give it a shot, like anything else in life, but if that specific sport isn’t for them, then leave it that way, you’re not gonna make them like it after years of them disliking it. If they can’t find any sport or physical activity that interests them, maybe it’s about time to let them tackle other forms of activities, like music, art, writing, and so on. Sometimes life isn’t about being physically in shape, it’s about doing things that make you happy and what brings you on the right path to your own personal view of success.
Kevin, I completely agree that kids need to be required to do something physical, whether it is an organized sport, biking, riding a scooter, etc. We have three boys, and with my husband, wrestling is not an option. Our oldest boy has wrestled since 6th grade and is now a Junior and informed my husband today that he does not want to wrestle this year. My husband was furious. His reasons are that we have all put too much time into it to quit now, he believes that wrestling teaches discipline, hard work, and self defense, and I believe that a lot of it has to do with that my husband loves it and this is how he bonds with them. Any advice?
On a side note, do you also believe that, while parents should force their children to attend church, they should not force their child to go to a specific church, denomination, or religion? That would be more in alignment with the forcing kids to play sports but letting them choose which one.
Angie, for me kids get more freedom as they age. So my kids, 9 and 12, are going to church with me. As they get older, they will get more freedom. I could see that my 16 year-old can go to whatever church they would like and my 18 year-old might get to choose if they go at all.
Absolutely catastrophically wrong. I cannot believe that you are actually responsible for children. Then again, maybe I can, considering what a festering hive of abuse, mysogyny, and ignorance sports culture in America is.
You CANNOT compare sports to eating, sleeping, etc. Without eating, you DIE. Without sports, uh… well my life got a lot better, although I still struggle with the long term consequences of being forced to play sports for years as a child. Sports exposed me to bullies, harassment, discrimination. It drove a wedge between me and my parents. I obviously hated it, but my parents had nitwits like Kevin whispering in their ears, and kept forcing me to do it until I was old enough to realize they had no legal or moral right to do so. Since then, I’ve followed my dreams and passions, and if I hadn’t learned to ignore my parents, I would have failed.
Don’t force kids to do anything. Encourage them and support them in what they love. My parents certainly didn’t. I can’t say I have much faith in Kevin to know what’s good for kids after reading this nonsense.
Mr kevin A. Thompson
i agree to a certain stance, kids should be encouraged to play, or forced to ride a bike. i myself am a kid that that is being forced. right now im stopping because of some horrible issues with my ankles, stopping me from running like most kids. my ankles are that bad that a week ago i was walking up a 45º angle, and i was limping for the rest of the day,
no harsh intensions
kind regards
Will Aves
Honestly, anyone that “forces” their children to play a particular thing, practice a particular sport, or play an specific instrument, is downright a bad parent, period.
Note, that i’m not saying that you shouldn’t encourage your kid to do something with their free time. I’m talking about those arses that force their children into engaging in a highly specific thing, and not supporting them in any other interest.
If a kid wants to play violin, but you force them into playing piano, your an arse. If your kid wants to practice archery, but you force them into playing football, you are also an arse.
I encourage you to actually ask your kids if there are physical activities they’re interested in, rather than just signing them up in things you don’t know if they’ll like or not; You know, that little activity humans denominate as COMUNICATING. Chances are your kid will say something they like or they have an interest in, and you’ll save yourselves days, weeks, months and years of ugly stares, episodes and broken relationships.
If you do force them into something regardless, then don’t act all surprised when your children lose any interest in spending time with you, or bonding with you at all. And forget about ever seeing a prize, a trophy or merits of any sort.
It’s quite simple, you want to have an enjoyable experience with your kids, and create lasting memories? Then don’t be an arse.
Notice in the article, I don’t say to make a child play a specific sport. I say to let them choose what to play.
How do you approach kids who enjoy sports, but not the team/competitiveness of sports? Example, my almost 10 year old loves to kick a ball, shoot hoops, play catch. All as part of a neighborhood gathering or one on one with us. He HATES when we sign him up for sports however. I have always had the stance of “you have to be in something, here are your options…now pick” I get eye rolls and sighs and “fines”. All 4 kids are healthy and active. We don’t even have cable, let alone a lot of screen time.
My husband wishes his parents would have pushed him more to play. They let him do what he wanted and he was never involved in anything. I agree with that, but it’s hard when your kid just isn’t interested in ANY sport. Especially when society gives you the stink eye wondering why.
So here I sit. Looking at recreational soccer for 6 weeks knowing my kids will be annoyed with it. At 9, 8 and 5 there isn’t a lot available. In 2 years our oldest will be in middle school and by then it will be too late if he decides he likes a “sport” since we live in a big city where tryouts start in 6th grade. I’ve tried many different sports to peak his interest. Just nothing. So what would you suggest? I really want him to be involved because outside of the active part (which he doesn’t need) it builds friendships, teaches working as a team and good sportsmanship. I WILL be signing him up, but how do you handle a child that’s simply not interested in playing competitively?
Then I wouldn’t play competitively. My kids go to workout three times a week. It’s not competitive, but it does make sure they are in shape. Locally, the boys and girls clubs have rec leagues focused on exercise not on score.
I have Developmental Coordination Disorder (dyspraxia) and my family still forced me to play competitive sports. No matter how hard I tried, all I ever did was fail. No improvement. It turns out my family knew since I was *two years old* that I had that disability and they made a point of never telling me. That was child abuse. To this day, I have nothing but hatred in my heart for sports. Even thinking about sports makes me want to engage in self-harm. Kids don’t need to succeed all the time, but if you force them to fail nonstop, all you do is teach them they are failures.
If you force your child into activities they always fail at, be prepared to suffer the consequences. I ended contact with my parents be telling them I don’t love them. They are on their own in old age.
Alex, my kids get the choice of what they participate in. I just say they have to play something.
Not every child and adult is overweight. I’m the person who was blessed with a slender body (I can eat anything I want and not gain weight). I was also the one non-athletic kid who hated phys ed and still don’t like to watch sports. The best thing about turning 18 was to be able to say a big fat HELL NO to sports and pushy “go get some sun and fresh air!” dorks.
I played guitar and piano and love to sew and do crafts. Any parent who forces sports on non-athletic kids will NOT be thanked later. They will be resented always. You think forcing catch baseball every afternoon with your bored off his butt kid is bonding? You could have done that by listening to some albums or taking her to summer concerts in the park too – and given memories she LIKES to remember!!!
I don’t believe there is an exception for anyone regarding the need for exercise. As long as a child is getting meaningful exercise, I wouldn’t dictate how it happens.
I completely disagree about forcing them to play a certain sport if a child doesn’t like a certain sport but they are good at it you still shouldn’t force them because I personally know this can lead to depression cause that is exactly what happened to me I got forced to do a sport I was quite good and then I got depression so it may not work out as well as you think it does
Fully believe they should do/play something, but agree that we should never force them to do a specific sport. We choose that they do it, they choose what they do.
Kevin, as someone who failed at sports no matter how hard he tried, I appreciate that you advocate giving kids the choice to find sports that they can succeed in. At least occasionally succeeding at sports is essential to students benefitting from sports. Parents: You can’t expect a child to benefit from a particular sport if all they experience is failure and resulting bullying from coaches and peers. After 14 years of being forced to “play” (fail at) sports, I was eventually allowed to do independent PE in the form of working out at the gym. In the *final* semester of high school. Finally, I found something that I could succeed at enough to feel good about myself. I ran the treadmill and built up stamina, counted calories burned, and increased my weights over time. I got compliments for losing weight. In the end, being allowed to succeed in the gym saved me from being a couch potato.
Parents: If your child is extremely clumsy, please work with them to find physical activities that they can at least sometimes win in. I will never completely recover from those fourteen years, and I never did anything to deserve that. Your kids are crying and complaining for a reason: They’re racking up painful memories they will never forget. Be good to your children.
My parents never forced me to play sports, but there was heavy pressure from my peers and other men in my family to play sports in junior high. I joined the football team in seventh grade, and this turned out to be the mistake of a lifetime. Not only did I suffer several concussions, whiplash, and a torn wrist ligament, but the culture was absolutely toxic. I recall being called dumba**, dips***, dumb s***, dumb f***, p***y, f*****t, etc. on a daily basis from players and coaches alike. I recall coaches denying players water during summer practice as punishment for under-performance. Heck, I even remember HEAD BUTTING COMPETITIONS between players on the sidelines. The smaller players (like me) were taunted by the watergirls and cheerleaders for being scrawny. I was always picked last. All of this formed the perfect breeding ground for insecurity, and I spent the next five years aggressively lifting weights two hours each day in a desperate attempt to transform myself. This culture taught me to embrace pain and self-punishment.
Twelve years later, my body is riddled with injuries: herniated discs, stress fractures, torn labra, joint degeneration, tendinitis, etc. I live in chronic pain, am highly reclusive, have never been in a relationship, and will probably have to change careers soon due to physical limitations. This is an embarrassing story that I don’t share often, but in the face of such dangerous advice, I felt the need to remind others that not everyone is an athlete, and early adolescent children are highly impressionable.
You obviously have good intentions and have a healthy idea of what sports should be about, but you have no control over the aggressive, hyper-competitive culture which has taken root in organized youth sports. In junior high, this is superimposed on the preexisting insecurity and poor judgment naturally experienced by kids in that age group. If a child decides that they want to play an organized sport, parents should proceed with caution. But FORCING a nonathletic kid to participate in an organized athletic activity? Their time will be wasted at best. There are simpler ways to stave off obesity. Not to mention, in some sports (i.e. football and wrestling), unhealthy weight gain is often encouraged.
I said the same thing and I got my head chewed off. My daughter has been playing softball since she was 5, now 11, but not once has she told me she hates it or doesn’t want to play. I commented that she doesn’t love the game and it was like “you monster you are torturing your child”. My daughter has social issues and keeps to herself and I feel with her being in team sport will help her be more social. I also said if it was up to her she would quit and sit on her butt and do nothing, and some lady said she doesn’t aloud her kids to be looser. I don’t know how having social anxiety makes you a looser. but after everything said and done, if my daughter came up to me and told me that she no longer wanted to play then that would be that.
bruh you have no experience with this stuff so stfu
I don’t agree that you should force your kids to play sports. I do agree that if they want to play sports then they are more than welcome to. I of course am a teenager who really used to love basketball until junior high. There is nothing wrong with the sport it is just that none of my friends tried out for the team, and the coaches are a lot more harsh and make me do drills that I ABSOLUTELY hate like suicides for instance. I am now going into high school and I guess we’ll see what happens to these sports with covid, but I am seriously considering of not playing basketball this year and I am almost losing major interest in the sport. I love soccer and am better at soccer than basketball. Even though I am losing interest in basketball, I am likely to continue to play soccer all throughout high school. My point is, NEVER EVER force your kids to play sports. My dad is crazy about me and basketball so I have to deal with him, but I won’t let him get in the way if I quit basketball. Also, never pressure your kids if they are losing interest in a sport and are considering quitting, don’t sit there and argue with them, be supportive and encouraging with them!
I’m afraid to say that I disagree with this post, and here’s why…
Now I agree that the kids need to be enrolled in some kind of EXTRA-CURRICULAR activity, in order to keep them out of trouble, but it doesn’t have to be a sport. It can also be a musical instrument, dance, art and such, and those activities have their own benefits. Any parent that doesn’t want to enroll their kids in those activities when the kid would like to, and strictly force them in sports is a bad parent, and just a total piece of shit.
My dad kept forcing me into sports, and I started to realize around the end of grade 9 that it wasn’t for me, and I was okay with that. I started to learn the bass guitar shortly afterwards (and then the electric later on), and I really enjoyed that. However, he kept forcing me into sports, which made start getting more depressed, worthless, and such. This resulted in me getting pretty sloppy grades, and my father and I having a somewhat bad relationship. Then, in grade 12, I got rid of sports, and let me tell you, my grades sky rocketed. And I’m also now much healthier than when I was playing sports. My dad fortunately now realizes that putting me into sports was a bad mistake, and he’s sorry about that.
I understand there are things kids have to do regardless, like school, homework, chores and such, but they should have some freedom in choosing the extra-curricular activity they want. In my eyes, learning a musical instrument, dance and/or art is a substitution for sports.
I’m not saying sports are bad for you; if the kid wants to play a sport, by all means I’m all for letting them play. But we have to realize that not all kids are the same, and might be musically or artistically gifted, rather than athletically gifted.
Oh, and PS, in my experience as well, I feel that athletes, particularly the ones who play contacted sports, have a better chance of being a bully, rapist and just an overall piece of shit.
Idiot
Thank you for this article.
I “made” my already sports involved children run Cross Country in 7th grade. They are all in HS now, have improved so much, are successful and driven to improve. They may even run in college one day. I feel it’s a special sport with requires dedication and drive, but they have also learned it’s about personal goal setting while being part of a team.
Where are the replies?
I thank you for this read. I’m struggling very bad with this right now!
I really appreciate reading this. We are the parents you describe… We tell them we require them to play a sport and they get to pick. However, in addition, we require a team sport.
The battle we are facing right now is the teenage stage for our middle child. All she wants to do is hang out with friends and lounge around. And while she knows she will have to continue to play, she fights us every time. It’s exhausting but we will continue to push her (in the most positive way possible).
Hi,
I was a kid who was overenrolled in sports. I pleaded to get out of them but to no avail.
I feel like baseball was monotonous. I have stress from being a goalkeeper in soccer 15 years after I played it.
I don’t think sports come with positive psychological effects for all. I feel like leagues should have ways to help kids get into sports as well as get out of them if they choose.
You are clearly an abuser.
That is the dumbest idea I ever heard so they can’t follow their dreams or speak without permission! Sir, you need
help (god bless he doesn’t have a son or daughter). Think about what your kids want to do instead of what you want them to do ok, dummy!