Sep 262014 3 Responses

A Knowledgable Doctor, Lost Underwear, and I’m Not as Famous as I Thought

It’s been a few months since I have written a Funny Friday, so here you go. This post will in no way benefit your physical, emotional, or spiritual lives apart from possibly causing you to laugh.

A Knowledgeable Doctor

Silas got chiggers. If you have any question to how out-doorsy I am (other than the fact I use the phrase out-doorsy), I never considered after an afternoon of running through the woods that he might get chiggers. All I knew was that he has an extreme amount of swelling and itching in a place that you generally don’t want swelling and itching.

Since I couldn’t figure out the swelling or itching, I told Silas I would text a friend of mine who is a doctor. Silas objected, “It’s too embarrassing, Dad.” I reassured him that Dr. Mike had three boys of his own so he was very knowledgeable about issues like this.

“Oh,” Silas said, “He probably knows a lot about penis problems.” (See: The Only Time I Was Ever Stoned)

“You’re right Silas,” I said, “Dr. Mike knows a lot about penis problems.”

The Best of Twitter, Facebook, or Other Social Media

Here are my favorite quotes or stories of the last few months which I haven’t put on the website, but have posted on other Social Media:

I don’t know who taught Ella to walk up to people, flick them on the arm, and say, “Hello you little flicker,” but that person needs to either: 1) teach her to stop or 2) teach her to properly pronounce the word ‘flicker. (See: Ella on Kicking a Teacher)

A nighttime reflection from Silas, “Other than losing my underwear it was a great day.”

Yes, I did just tell the groom, “You may now stop kissing your bride.”

Google Facts reports that 1 out of 3 women believe their pet is a better listener than their husband. It’s possible that 2 out of 3 husbands would rather their wife talk to their pets. (See: Silas on the Sybil War, Col. Sanders, and Peeing Crooked)

As I was putting Silas to bed he said, “Dad, I love you, but your breath smells like a weird combination of sweat and peanut M&Ms.” It’s possible I had just returned from a long walk and as I came up the stairs I inhaled a handful of M&Ms.

A Poor Sermon Application

One Sunday afternoon I was laying on the couch watching golf when I heard Silas and Ella recounting the morning Sunday School lesson. They had been taught the importance of putting others first. As Silas rehearsed the lesson, he reminded his sister that Jesus always comes first, then others, and then yourself. Ella agreed.

Silas then concluded, “And since you should put others first, Ella, you should let me have this last ice cream sandwich.”

It’s not the proper sermon application, but it’s a great way to get an ice cream sandwich. (See: Bad Sax and Things Never to Tell Your Son)

I’m Not As Famous As I Thought (part 1)

My home state is overwhelmed with political ads because of a hotly contested senate campaign which could determine which party controls one half of Congress come January.

Apparently, one of the candidates, Rep. Tom Cotton, looks like me. I’m sure he is excited about this comparison, seeing how he served many years in the US Military and I have never had a meaningful workout in the my life.

So I’m in a restaurant a few months back and the waitress walks over, with a big smile on her face, pointing at me and says, “I can’t believe you are here. You are really here.” (See: Try Not to Curse During the Baby Dedication)

While I’ve been recognized a few times, I’ve never had someone that excited to see me. Before I could thank her for recognizing me and reading my articles, she said, “I can’t believe Tom Cotton is eating in our restaurant.”

With those words, I lowered my head and realized I’m not as famous as I thought.

I’m Not as Famous as I Thought (part 2)

A few weeks back I spoke during a moment of silence at a Cancer Survivor’s dinner. Being asked to speak during a moment of silence is a tricky proposition, but I did my best.

When I returned to the table, a kind woman mentioned how familiar I looked. I told her I had grown up in town, but she couldn’t make any connection. I told her about the church I pastored, but she couldn’t make any connection. Jenny whispered, “You can tell her,” so I grudgingly said, “Well I have this website which you have probably read.” But she quickly said, “No, that’s not it. I know. I dated your dad in High School.” (See: Ashes to Ashes)

So while I thought she knew me as a writer, she was actually recognizing me because I was almost her son.

To review:

Never be afraid to talk to your doctor.

Always question your sibling.

And just assume no one really knows you.

Happy Friday

3 Responses to A Knowledgable Doctor, Lost Underwear, and I’m Not as Famous as I Thought

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