Jul 022019 10 Responses

5 Sex Books Every Married Couple Should Read

I love books. For me, the most productive way to think about a topic, learn new skills, and change my behavior regarding an issue is to read a good book. If the author presents new ideas, confirms some of what I’m thinking, challenges my preconceived notions, and points me in a positive way, a book can greatly impact my life. (See: You’ll Be Bad at Sex Until You Do This)

In part, books are powerful because they can be held, underlined, returned to, and they take enough time to read that it gives your brain time to process the topic. In a previous post, I recommended my 5 Books Every Married Couple Should Read. Now I give five recommendations about one specific aspect of marriage.

Top 5 Books About Sex

1. Divine Sex. It’s not uncommon for people to peruse my bookshelf as they are waiting to talk to me when they come into my office. I can always tell the moment they see this title by how quickly they spin around and start looking at my golf pictures. Divine Sex is a good title for a very good book. The book gives a clear vision of what sex within the Christian context is supposed to be. This book will not give you a new position or present an idea of how to make tonight’s experience greater, but it will teach you why sex matters. It reminds the reader of all the lies we are believing regarding sex and how those lies are hindering our connections with God and others.

2. Passionate Marriage. I was skeptical when I first heard about David Schnarch’s book. What have I not already read (or even written) about sex? Yet the book did not disappoint. The main point of the book is that it is an individual’s job to deal with his or her own problems, soothe themselves, and then bring the fullness of who they are into the marriage bed. Instead, we often seek to get from our spouse things that they were never meant to provide–i.e. identity, a sense of self, relief from our anxieties, etc. I’m still processing much of which I read in Passionate Marriage. While I may not agree with everything, there is much which Schnarch writes that gives meaning and understanding to things I have experienced. I look forward to continuing to wrestle with many of the concepts in the book. A quick test to see if you need the book–can you easily climax during an experience with your spouse while both of your eyes are wide open? If not, buy the book and explore why you may be fleeing from intimacy.

3. Friends, Partners & Lovers. Well, imagine that I recommend my own book. Ha. FPL is not the greatest book ever written, but I do strongly believe in its message. For many, it is a good starter book to read about sex and relationships. It will remind you of the three main roles of a spouse and how each one impacts the others. For many, they struggle in the bedroom because of what happens outside the bedroom. FPL will get you thinking about changes you can make in order to improve your intimacy. Also, the third section will give you very practical advice to improve  intimacy with your spouse.

4. The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex. Ok, so I haven’t read this. Of course, it’s not written for me. Yet for so many of the women who grew up in church, sex has a bad connotation. The thought is that good girls don’t like or want sex. I met Shelia Gregoire online several years ago and have a great appreciation for her desire to help women in the church embrace sex as it was intended. She doesn’t hold back any punches, but she also is respectful and not sensational in how she communicates in her writing. If you have any hesitancy about sex because of your religious upbringing, follow Shelia online and pick up her book. While you are at it, read J. Parker’s book Hot, Holy, and Humorous.

5. ____________. It’s your turn. I gave you four books (actually five if you look at the links). I want to know what book you would add. In the comments below this post or on the Facebook post, recommend one book that will improve a couple’s sex life. It doesn’t have to be specifically about sex, but name a book that you think can positively impact couples in the bedroom.

10 Responses to 5 Sex Books Every Married Couple Should Read
  1. […] 3. Read books. Not those types of books. Read books about intimacy and marriage from people who know... https://www.kevinathompson.com/bad-at-great-sex
  2. Sarah Wollin Reply

    I really appreciated “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman. The book “Intended for Pleasure” also was incredibly impactful during a time when unfaithfulness had sabotaged intimacy in my marriage. I wish I’d read it before I’d gotten married, and it is a gift my husband and I regularly give to engaged couples we know.

  3. Alisa Garrigues Reply

    Sheet Music- Leman
    Intimate Issues –Dillow

  4. RJ Reply

    Sheet Music by Kevin Leman

    Sexperinent by Ed Young

  5. Jenny Reply

    The Five Sex Needs of Men and Women by Gary and Barbara Rosberg.
    And Sheila’s book is excellent!

  6. Jeff Reply

    Awaken Love by Ruth Buezis. Excellent.

  7. J. Parker Reply

    Wow, thanks so much for the mention! Two other good books for couples to read together are The Pursuit of Passion by Murphy & Sibert and Lovemaking by Dan & Linda Wilson; they cover a lot of ground about sex generally from a Christian perspective. And I’m rather fond of my most recent release, Pillow Talk, with 40 conversation guides to help couples talk about their sexual intimacy.

    I’ll second your Friends, Partners, Lovers book too! Great read.

  8. Annette Reply

    The Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West

  9. Andrew Reply

    Sheet Music

  10. Amy Reply

    Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli Slattery!! Awesome book

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