Jun 122018 4 Responses

5 Things to Know About Your Husband

To love is to know. Love doesn’t imply perfect knowledge, but it does intone the desire for knowledge. When we love someone, we want to know them.

Few things are better than being known. While everyone isn’t as predictable as I am, I love to walk into a restaurant and for the waiter to already know my order without asking. I feel respected and appreciated.

In marriage, knowledge is vital. Without it, true intimacy can’t exist. Healthy couples understand they don’t know everything about their spouse, but continually desire to grow their comprehension of one another. They know it’s a never-ending pursuit because healthy people are always growing, developing, and changing.

For a husband, there are some things he must know about his wife. (See: 5 Things You Must Know About Your Wife) Here are the things a wife must know about her husband.

5 Things You Must Know

1. His Uniqueness. Every man is different. While many general ideas fit regarding the sexes, not every man is the same. Each man has specific strengths and weaknesses. While a woman might know her father or brother, that doesn’t mean she automatically knows her husband. Recognizing his uniqueness is the start to knowing who he is. What is his personality? What are the traits we culturally apply to masculinity which are true of him? What are some of those characteristics which he does not share? Many sterotypes are formed because there are elements of truth to them, but no man is the “typical” man.” Know how your husband is unique.

2. His Energizers. Life is stressful. We all need things which rejuvenate us. Knowing what brings your husband’s heart alive allows you to partner with him in life. For some, it might be some time watching the game. For others, it might be time spent with kids. Some need alone time while others need time with people. Many wives fail to understand their husbands because what rejuvenates the wife doesn’t rejuvenate the husband. She sees he is tired so she tries to talk to him. While a good conversation might be what she needs at the end of a long day, he might need some time alone. (See: 5 Things Not to Do to Your Husband in Public)

3. His Temptations. This doesn’t mean he should confess every temptation to you. Guys need other guys for many of the details regarding temptation, but a wife must understand the general struggles in a man’s life. She must recognize his weak spots and assist him in protecting himself. For instance, every man experiences sexual temptation (if your husband denies this, I’ve got some serious questions). Recognizing these temptations can empower the wife to help her husband. She can take the sexual aspect of their relationship seriously, encourage him to have strong male friends who can help with accountability, and draw strong boundaries within their own relationship. Being ignorant of his temptations could cause the wife to unknowingly enable bad behavior.

4. His Tenderness. No matter how tough or gruff a man’s persona might be, there are topics of tenderness in his heart. No one else might know they are there, but a wife should know. Her husband should have the courage to reveal the soft spots and she should have the concern to remember the topics that cause him to let down the guard. Knowing her husband’s tender spots has a two-fold result. First, she can help protect him. Our soft spots can be a threat if they aren’t recognized. By knowing her man’s tender places, she can prevent them from being exploited by others. For example, a man with a tender heart for his children can occasionally excuse or overlook bad choices by his kids because of how much he loves them. An aware wife can protect him from this temptation. Second, knowing her husband’s tender spots can empower her to motivate him. Knowing him allows her to tie important actions into the things that he truly cares about. If a man may not realize how his behavior is hurting others, but if his wife can tie an action to one of her husband’s affections, she can motivate him toward good things.

5. His Insecurities. While a man’s tender places can get him in trouble, his insecurities are certain to wound him. Few areas pose a greater threat to a man than the places in which he doesn’t feel adequate. By knowing her husband’s insecurities, a wife can play a vital role in his life. She can speak truth to him whenever he feels threatened. She can reassure him whenever he doubts himself. Everyone has insecurities, but few have the ability to recognize and compensate for them. Instead, we need someone in our life who loves us, whom we trust, and who can tell us what we need to hear so that our insecurities don’t lead to bad choices.

There are many things a wife should know about her husband, but these five create a good foundation of knowledge. If you could add a 6th area of understanding, what would it be?

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