Aug 022016 10 Responses

5 Things Not to Do to Your Husband in Public

There are some things a good wife won’t do to her husband in public. She might express some of these actions in private, but in public she restrains her actions in order to honor her husband.

In a healthy relationship, a wife publicly honors her husband even as he publicly honors her. (See: 5 Things Never to Do to Your Wife in Public) But even if a husband doesn’t honor his wife, these are still five actions which are unacceptable. No matter what he does, never do these things to him.

Here are 5 things never to do to your husband in public:

1. Demasculate Him. Gender is God-given; it’s at the core of who we are as humans. To mock, belittle, or question a man’s masculinity is to attack the very heart of who he is. It should never happen, but especially in public. While it might be acceptable to joke in private about your husband’s masculinity (only if it’s truly fun-loving and he is okay with it), it’s never appropriate in public.

2. Mother Him. You married a man, treat him like one. While spouses should sacrificially serve one another, you should not mother your husband. Two simple applications: First, do not talk to him the way you would talk to a child. Notice your tone. Consider your words. Determine whether or not you even have a right to speak about the issue. Second, do not make choices for him which are rightly his to make. It’s fair to influence his decisions (primarily if he asks for your influence), but honor his ability to make his own choices. For example, you can remind him what his doctor said regarding his diet, but you can’t dictate what he eats.

3. Berate Him. Disagreements must be had and your opinion needs to be known, but it should not be communicated in a condescending way–especially in public. When wives berate husbands in public it creates a deep tension–men are torn between honoring their wives and protecting their reputations. It’s a no-win situation. If they honor their wives, others see them as weak. If they stand up for themselves, they are seen as selfish. Spouses must show the utmost respect for one another while in public.  (See: 5 Ways a Husband Respects His Wife)

4. Smother Him. A couple should be best friends. They should turn to one another first and enjoy spending time with each other. However, in public settings they don’t have to spend every second together. It’s okay for him to talk with the guys while she is talking to some women. A couple can enjoy an event together without necessarily spending the whole time together. If you can’t ever be apart, you probably aren’t very good together.

5. Betray Him. Our first thought on betrayal is sexual and that’s serious, but there is a hidden form of betrayal which many women overlook. When you whisper criticism of your husband to your girlfriend, it’s a betrayal of your husband. It’s okay for your friends to know you disagree with your spouse. It’s not okay to defame his character or to show contempt to your friends just because you disagree. To dishonor him in front of others, even if he doesn’t know about it, is a betrayal of your vows. Your allegiance is with your spouse before your friends. You must show them (and him) that you care about his reputation in front of others. (See: A Litmus Test for His Love)

Each of these actions have one thing in common–respect. Some respect is earned, but a base level of respect should be given. These five actions are at that base level. No matter how your husband acts, these five things should never change.

What would be a 6th action you would add?

10 Responses to 5 Things Not to Do to Your Husband in Public
  1. […] While both sexes can break the rules regarding proper public behavior, men are more prone to make ma... kevinathompson.com/5-things-never-to-do-to-your-wife-in-public
  2. Jeannie Reply

    I would have to say that a wife should probably not demasculate, mother, berate, smother, or betray her husband privately, either. At least not if she wants to keep her marriage, since any of those things could ultimately result in a killing of the marital friendship. Those things should not really be done under any circumstances, directly and privately to the husband nor in public. Just my two cents.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      True but in private they might be more able to joke around and express their frustrations. But they clearly should do so respectfully.

  3. Erin Richardson Reply

    I agree with all the rules laid out for each spouse. What I find offensive is telling a wife to do these things no matter how your husbands treat you and you make men sound less than capable of doing these things so just expect them to blow it. If either spouse is incapable of treating each other honorably game over. The wife should not have to take one for the team. Is this 1950?

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Erin, you have inferred something into this article I did not imply. I haven’t intended what you claim I have said. My point was to show how each person is responsible for their own actions no matter how their other person acts.

    • Jeannie Reply

      Hi, I can see where you might find the part about, “No matter what he does, never do these things to him” to be very hard to swallow! It is hard to swallow. No one should be a human doormat, taken advantage of or treated poorly and then expected to treat the offender nicely and well. But what I think is worth saying here, is that when, for example, a husband behaves badly or treats his wife wrongly, it would be far better for the wife not to join suit and do the same, but to behave well and save her conscience so that she has absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. Two wrongs simply cannot ever make it right. And, if it is truly bad, well then do the necessary praying and soul searching, and be honest with your true feelings of the situation to your husband so he can’t say he never knew or understood, and if you absolutely need to, then just get a divorce if the wrong behavior doesn’t change for good within a reasonably long period of time in which both are trying to work it out. Improvement, real improvement, will show along the way if things are going to mend. In this way, by the wife (or could be the husband) taking responsibility for acting/behaving right, if a divorce does happen then the wife can lay her head down to sleep at night with a clear conscience that she didn’t do anything truly wrong and gave it every opportunity to work. That leaves her much more healthfully open in the future to be able to love again in a new relationship, with all the possibilities that go along with it. Sometimes I almost think karma has a role to play here, even as a Christian who believes in Christ. This would also be the same case in reverse, if a man were the one to act with the correct motivation. We need to be careful to act rightly so that we do not do harm even to ourselves!

  4. jeanettemoore Reply

    I agree with Erin Richardson that this article is one-sided. I read the other article to the husbands and it did not advise husbands not to publicly dishonor their wives “regardless” of they do or how they treat their husbands. I’m glad there are some women with common sense that are reading these articles. I would NEVER honor my husband if he mistreated me in public OR in private. We must ALL follow the Golden Rule!

  5. jeanettemoore Reply

    I’m not advocating that a wife stoops to her husband’s level in public if he disrespects her. There is a mature way to rise above him and even make him look like the smaller one in public without stooping to his level….BUT she better be firm with him and let him have it in private so he knows not to ever disrespect her in public again…the point here is to NOT allow it to happen again although it should never happen in the first place.

  6. Roger Reply

    I experienced all the behavior from my ex wife.
    She was regularly disrespecting me, and it lead to our ultimate divorce.
    The sad thing is, I was willing to accept it without doing something about it.

  7. Hamasamu ng'andu Reply

    Can a married woman kiss or hand his friend (man)???

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