There are few things as destructive as adultery. It can destroy families, end marriages, and splinter communities. Broken relationships are hard enough, but when adultery is involved the guilt and shame are compounded.
Yet gossip is more damaging than adultery.
Its danger is found in its subtlety. (See: 10 Communication Posts Your Co-Workers Should Read)
Everyone knows adultery is wrong. Even those engaging in the behavior are often quick to admit the immoral nature of their relationships. While some might deceive themselves into thinking their action is justifiable, rare is the case in which someone will claim adultery is morally acceptable. Even if they deny the activity to others, they know in their heart their action is wrong.
Gossip is different. Rarely does someone who is gossiping believe they are doing anything wrong. They are so blind to their wrong action that they will actually engage in the behavior in public, at church, in front of friends and strangers.
Because gossip is rarely seen for what it is, gossip most often gives birth to more gossip. Rarely will your affair lead me into an affair, but often your gossip will cause me to gossip. Without even realizing it, by listening to your gossip I will be prone to join you in gossiping about another.
The result is never positive. (See: Why We Should Never Give Up)
Gossip is a destructive form of communication which focuses on negative behaviors without any attempt to correct or improve the situation.
Leaders don’t have time for gossip.
Servants don’t have the heart for gossip.
Friends don’t have the desire to gossip.
Anyone who has ever been the object of gossip would never wish someone else be the subject of gossip.
Few things can destroy relationships, organizations, teams, companies, and churches like gossip. Where gossip thrives, trust dies. When trust dies, so does community.
To protect ourselves from gossip, we should ask ourselves the following questions before speaking:
- Can the person I’m talking to help the situation?
- Would I say this if the person was here? The person’s mother? The person’s child?
- Am I assuming to know the whole story when I only know part of the story?
- If I was in the other person’s shoes, what would I want said about me?
- If I’m speaking to someone who isn’t involved in the situation, am I seeking advice for my own action or am I degrading another person?
To protect ourselves from enabling gossip, we should ask another person the following questions before listening:
- Have you spoken with the person regarding this issue?
- How can this conversation help the situation?
- Is there more to the story than you realize?
- Are you giving the other person the kindness you would want to receive?
- Are you acting in a loving manner toward the person? (See: How to Speak So Others Listen)
Few people would doubt the destructive nature of adultery, yet we struggle to recognize the power of our negative words. Problems need to be confronted; issues need to be dealt with; life demands we speak truth in love. There is a time and place for nearly everything which can be said, yet gossip is speaking at the wrong time or in the wrong place or to the wrong person.
When we gossip, we are acting in a destructive manner. In doing so, we don’t just destroy ourselves, we also destroy those around us.
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Amen in a great big way to this! I dislike gossip as much or more than anything. I have see it destroy people, churches and workplaces. I was in upper management for over thirty years. I am very even tempered but the employees knew that I would confront gossip head on and would on occasion lose my temper with the perpetrators for being so calloused and uncaring. As the saying goes, ” If you can’t say something good about someone, then don’t say anything at all!!”
gossip hurts the perpetrator and the victim (s).
Very good artical. I have been a gospel and didn’t even know ir. I will refrain
I can sadly testify to the destruction of gossip. I am currently separated from my wife and she sent divorce papers within two months of separation. I went from married with no signs of hey I am leaving you, to my wife being gone. The three years prior she was venting to her mom, dad, sisters, multiple friends, and even some folks in my family. NOT A SINGLE ONE TALKED TO ME ABOUT WHAT MY WIFE WAS TELLING THEM EVEN AFTER I ASKED THEM TO TALK TO ME BEFORE FORMING ANY OPINIONS. I simply just prayed because she would not talk to me without anger. She included our 10 year daughter in to the bashing of me and then my daughter eventually turned on me and then my wife and her both attacked me. The EVIL was unreal. My wife did everything to get people to think certain ways about me and once she got everyone on board she then justified her leaving. Literally she told me that she prayed for a way out of the marriage!! I never abused or cheated on my wife and even though I am not perfect I can tell you that I am a good husband and stepdad. There have been only two people that have talked to my wife and I both (a counselor and a pastor) and they both stated that she is out of God’s will and this whole thing was wrong. She quickly ended any communication with them and absolutely refuses counseling with anyone as a couple or at least someone who will talk to her and me both separately.
I could go on and on but the bottom line is that gossip is extremely damaging!!! We went from what many people called a “powerful couple” for God to a nearly divorced couple. I have never seen a marriage destroyed for no good reason like I have my own. At least with adultery there is a good reason for divorce. My wife stated out of her own mouth to me at least four times that she knows the separation and divorce is not God’s will but she doesn’t care and that she will just deal with the consequences. I am devastated by that because divorce has NEVER entered my Brian even as horrible as I have been treated. When a gossiping spouse goes to many people people let the spouse gossip then watch our; it is going to get ugly.
I hope this encourages someone. If you are a gossiper then you are doing the work of satan. If you are listening to someone gossip about a spouse then you are doing the work of satan. God hates divorce and satan knows that and satan will use you as his pawn if you are not wise and obedient. If the two spouses cannot come to an agreement on something then seek Godly counsel together!! Honor your vows.