May 052015 4 Responses

How to Jump Start Your Sex Life

An intentional time of seclusion from family and friends to focus on the physical relationship within marriage. This is how I would describe a honeymoon in its purest form.

Imagine a couple waiting until marriage to experience the fullness of a physical relationship. After the ceremony, the groom whisks the bride away to a remote location where they establish an intimate relationship. The trip is not all about sex, but sex is by no means secondary. A couple leaves friends, families, and normal day-to-day expectations so they can focus on one another and freely connect on a deep level. Being away can create a more comfortable climate to explore the fullness of a sexual relationship. (See: Are You Having Enough Sex?)

It is a great way to start a marriage.

It is also a great way to reinvigorate a marriage.

When the routine of life and the pressures of raising a family begin to corrode a couple’s intimacy, they need to take a sexcation. They need a time where they are removed from friends, families, and the day-to-day expectations upon them so they can focus on reconnecting on a physical level. The time shouldn’t be all about sex, but the sex cannot be secondary. (See: The Top 5 Sex Posts of 2013)

Sitting in a restaurant, I overheard two women talking about an upcoming vacation. One woman said, “I hope he doesn’t expect sex every day.” Obviously I do not know the woman’s story and it would be unfair to judge, but I did wonder, “Is there ever a time when he should expect sex every day? What would be wrong with expecting a high number of sexual encounters for a specific time? Does she ever give him what he wants?”

For some couples, any vacation will accomplish this goal. But for other couples, one of the spouses may not be as open, so a specific time needs to be planned. Not every vacation has to place a high value on sex, but there should be an occasional time in which a couple breaks from the routine of life to put a primary focus on their physical relationship.

Stop and consider: How does this thought make you feel?

If it excites you, immediately forward this to your spouse. If they feel the same way, start making plans to get away and enjoy one another. You don’t need an expensive location. The trip doesn’t have to be elaborate. It doesn’t have to last for a week. Just find a time, place, and people to cover your normal responsibilities and go have fun.

If it’s acceptable to you, then find out how your spouse feels about it. If they are excited about the idea, then you should follow the same path as the previous point. (See: One Tip to Improve Sex)

If it exhausts you, that’s understandable. Life is difficult enough, many people (especially women) cannot stand the thought of another expectation. Many spouses who have a lower sex drive do everything they can to keep their spouse satisfied and making more effort can feel overwhelming. What you feel is understandable, but if your spouse desires an extended time away, you should strongly consider it.

If it sickens you, there is a problem. If this thought turns your stomach, something beyond sex is wrong with the relationship. Maybe there is a lack of trust. Maybe other needs have gone unmet so the idea of meeting your spouse’s needs is exhausting. Maybe you have never properly communicated about the issue. Maybe there is personal shame or guilt which sex brings to the surface. Maybe you have an inappropriate view of sex. Whatever it might be, if the thought of a few days alone with your spouse to focus on your physical relationship repulses you, something is wrong and you need to get help to fix it.

One Warning

A sexcation is a good idea for a moderately healthy couple who could use some time alone to rekindle their physical intimacy. It’s not advisable for a couple who is deeply struggling with their marriage. A couple in trouble should seek counseling and, after significant improvements have been made, a sexcation can spur on even more growth.

A Few Tips

Plan ahead. One of the most fun aspects of any vacation is anticipation. That is even more true when sex is going to be a primary focus. Put a date on the calendar so each of you can anticipate the time. (See: What Your Husband Wants From You in Bed)

Don’t go into debt. Getting away is important, but the marital strife which can come from oppressive debt is not worth an elaborate vacation. By planning ahead, you can save the money needed. Go somewhere within your economic abilities. The focus should be on each other, not the location.

Relax and communicate. Sex is built on intimacy and sex builds intimacy. Do not focus on just one direction. Getting away should allow a couple to relax and communicate in a way they often can’t. Plan activities which allow for deep conversations about something other than day-to-day life. Discuss your hopes, dreams, futures, etc. (See: Top 5 Sex Posts of 2014)

Set reasonable expectations. While anticipating the trip might be fun, use common sense in setting your expectations. The point is focusing on one another for an extended period of time; it is not implied that your every sexual fantasy should be realized.

4 Responses to How to Jump Start Your Sex Life
  1. […] How to Jump Start Your Sex Life, by Kevin Thompson […]...
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