Sep 152015 3 Responses

Predictability: A Byproduct of a Healthy Marriage

Jenny can finish the joke before I even say it.

I can guarantee the recipe she made will look different from last time she cooked it, even before it is out of the oven.

No matter how out of sync we might get in the moment, we both know we will re-align the next time we have a few hours by ourselves. (See: The Lowest Bar for Marital Success)

A healthy marriage has many byproducts. One of the best is predictability.

Outsiders might consider it boring. If they’ve never experienced the stability which comes with it, they might be turned off by the concept. But for those that have it, predictability is one of the great benefits of a healthy marriage.

Life is exhausting. In every area, we continually have to expend energy by making decisions, taking care of our responsibilities, and responding to others. And marriage is no different. It requires more from us than almost any other area of life.

Yet, a healthy marriage also replenishes us. It gives back. One of the best ways it energizes us is by being predictable. (See: The Easiest Way to Rejuvenate Your Marriage)

Everything else in life is unpredictable. We have no idea what our boss may suddenly decide. We can’t guarantee the actions or reactions of other people. We never know what life may throw at us.

Because of the chaos of life, we need a few things we can count on. Marriage should be one of those things. It should be predictable. Not in a boring way, but in a life-giving, relaxing, and refreshing way.

Predictability brings rest. We don’t have to watch our back. We don’t have to be on guard. We don’t have to be scanning the horizon out of fear. We can take a deep breath, let down our guard, and be ourselves.

Marriage should be predictable in:

Support. A healthy couple always knows their spouse has their back. This doesn’t mean spouses always agree with one another. But it does mean they are always FOR one another. Even when they disagree, it is done in the best interest of the other.

Responses. In most cases, I know how my spouse will respond. I know her well enough to predict her behavior and she is emotionally stable enough to respond predictably. (See: A Checklist to Gauge Your Emotional Health)

Traditions. Healthy relationships create good traditions. They regularly engage in activities which bring life to the couple. Date night, vacations, and holidays are just a few examples. These traditions become well-springs the couple can look forward to and can help them endure the more wearisome days.

For many couples, spontaneity is part of the predictability. They know and appreciate the spontaneous nature of their marriage. It is a predictable part which rejuvenates their relationship.

Predictability occurs because I know who you are, what you will do, and how you will react. I may not know every opinion or idea, but I can rest in my general understanding of my spouse and the marriage we have. (See: What Every Husband Needs to Know at least Once a Month)

An unhealthy marriage does not have that luxury. Life is chaotic and so is the marriage. The only predictable aspect is the unpredictability. A couple never knows how the other will respond, what the next issue might be, if an event will bring laughter or disdain, or if their spouse will be happy or mad. Because of the unpredictability, the couple actually loses any sense of spontaneity. It’s hard to be spontaneous with someone you don’t trust.

Life is hard enough. There is enough uncertainty in every aspect of life that we need some things to be certain and predictable. Marriage can be one of those things. It can be a peaceful, non-chaotic, predictable place of rest.


3 Responses to Predictability: A Byproduct of a Healthy Marriage
  1. […] Every couple faces the danger of slipping into “the same old dull routine.” While predic...

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