Nov 132013 3 Responses

The Easiest Way to Rejuvenate Your Marriage

In my closet at home, there is a box. To everyone else the box doesn’t contain anything valuable, but to me it is priceless.

Inside the box is:

  • a book of every email Jenny sent me one summer when she was in Montana and I was in Phoenix
  • movie tickets from when we dated in college
  • cards she has given me on holidays and birthdays
  • old airline tickets
  • the cassette tape from my answering machine from my old apartment
  • mementos from every vacation we’ve taken

It is the box of us. Anything which might be meaningful to me and Jenny, I put in the box.

A few contents from the "box of us."

A few contents from the “box of us.”

Nearly every year, I’ll put three or four things in the box. Most of the time Jenny doesn’t know it. I’ll slip a ticket stub in my pocket or will keep the hotel key card and when I get home it goes in the box.

A funny thing happens on occasion when I put something in the box; I find something catching my eye and I pick it up. The item reminds me of a place, time or event. I remember the feelings; I recall how things have changed since that time.

Thirteen years of marriage and I’m yet to open that box without one thing happening—me feeling more love for my wife.

One of the guarantees of marriage is that we will experience days, months, seasons of staleness. It’s unavoidable. It’s unavoidable because you aren’t a perfect couple. Anyone who says they have never been in a marital rut is either in denial or hasn’t been married long enough to know what they are talking about. Every marriage experiences dry seasons. (See: When Your Marriage Feels Like You Co-Exist)

The seasons should not shock a couple. We should understand they will happen, but when they do happen we should not take them lightly. We should proactively respond to these moments to ensure they are only seasons and do not become the defining characteristic of our marriages.

One of the easiest ways to rejuvenate your marriage which does not cost great amounts of money or require elaborate planning is simply remembering and reliving the highlights of your relationship.

The next time you experience a dry season in your marriage, do this:

1. Retell the story of how you fell in love. What first attracted you? Who asked who out? Where did you go on the first date? When did you first know you wanted to marry the other?

2. Recount your favorite vacation. Where did you go? What made the vacation memorable? If you went back, what would you like to do there?

3. Tell of your favorite sexual experience with your spouse. Where were you? What made it memorable? How could you recreate the moment?

4. Describe a time in which you felt most loved by your spouse. What did you feel in the moment? What did your spouse do to make you feel loved? How could your spouse make you feel that again?

A strange thing happens as couples tend to drift toward divorce, they begin to rewrite history. They allow negative emotions of the present to tint how they remember the past. They no longer remember the good times or good experiences. They can even deceive themselves into thinking they never loved one another.

By consistently remembering and retelling the story of how a couple met and fell in love, spouses can recreate those feelings and protect themselves from negativity.

If you are married, something caused you to fall in love with your spouse. Remember it and rekindle it. Chances are it will cause you to feel those feelings again. (See: How to Stay Married in the Tough Times)

What memory causes you to love your spouse the most?

(Important note: this is about you rejuvenating your feelings for your spouse. Do not assume or expect an old item or memento will necessarily cause the same feelings in your spouse which they cause in you. You do what it takes to rekindle your feelings; they can do the same for them.)

3 Responses to The Easiest Way to Rejuvenate Your Marriage
  1. […] Year 1.   When the frequent flyer miles and free time is there, take three honeymoons. Jenny was i... kevinathompson.com/jennys-list-of-what-makes-a-marriage-work
  2. […] The same way love begins, it continues. (See: The Easiest Way to Rejuvenate Your Marriage) […]... kevinathompson.com/wonder-dont-love
  3. Maddy Medley Reply

    As I read your suggestions, I hear myself talking to my husband. I recall saying some of the very same things that I have said as well as the same mistakes that I have made. These words I read remind me that it is always time to nurture my marriage and, that it has never been so long that it can not be healed.
    Tonight my husband and I had a conversation about if it was time for us to divorce. We both said that we still love each other but that we both felt hurt and exhausted. I gave my husband the suggestion to look on the Internet for advice or appropriate guidelines on how much time a couple should spend together. I am so pleased to know that even the fast-paced world that we all live, that there is still good honest and helpful information to support love and friendship. Thank you for taking the time to put healthy ideas into our digital world. At the moment when things are at their worst, I am reminded where the journey with my husband began.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Please enter your name, email and a comment.