Jun 182014 9 Responses

One Thing Great Couples Do That Others Don’t

I often wonder if when Bill Gates experiences computer problems, does he turn it off and turn it back on? I assume so. Even one of the greatest computer minds to ever exist probably has to occasionally do a hard reboot of his computer.

As it is with computers, so it is with marriage. Every marriage needs a reset button. (See: You Aren’t the Perfect Couple)

No matter how good a marriage might be, every couple hits rough spots. We have moments, and sometimes months, which are difficult. The question is not whether a couple will have difficult times, but how they will handle the difficult times when they come.

One thing good couples learn in marriage are ways to hit the reset button when tough times come. Good couples reset the marriage when they have bad moments; great couples hit the reset button even when times are not that bad.

Last weekend I performed a wedding ceremony at the most beautiful location for weddings in the region where I live. It was atop a mountain at a state park. As the wedding came to an end, I paused. I turned my back to the crowd and stood beside the couple encouraging the newlyweds to take in the view and the moment. I told them, “When tough times come (and they will), when doubts arise (and they will), and when you don’t know if you want to keep going, find a mountain. Find a place that reminds you of this moment, of this feeling, and of these promises which you have made to one another.” (See: No Wonder You Don’t Love Each Other)

What I was telling the couple was they would forever have a reset button in their marriage. Every time they climb a mountain, they can remember. They can put their current circumstances in the context of bigger issues and remember why they love one another.

We all need a reset button. We need a place, activity, or routine we can run to when our marriage experiences a rough moment or season.

Each couple must create their own reset button, but here are five possibilities:

1. Location. Maybe it’s where you had your first date or where you went on your honeymoon. Maybe it’s your favorite vacation spot or your back porch. Create a location where you can go that as soon as you get there, your stress goes down and the positive feelings begin to recharge.

2. Activity. Every couple needs to have at least one activity they enjoy doing together. Whether it’s playing tennis or going on a hike, find something which you enjoy doing together and which allows for an escape from the normal routine. For me and Jenny, few things help reset our marriage as much as a walk. It forces conversation and allows us to discuss things we otherwise wouldn’t.

3. Friends. Some friends just make you feel better. As a couple, you should have friends who cause you to love one another more. Maybe their marriage is so great, it encourages you. Maybe they make you laugh so much, you forget your problems. Whatever it is, notice the people in your life who cause the love for your spouse to grow and then make an effort to spend more time around those people. (See: Every Couple Needs a Couple )

4. Conferences/Retreats. Never underestimate the impact of a weekend spent focused on your marriage at a conference or retreat. It gives us the opportunity to learn new skills, be reminded of old truths, and spend time focused on one another. (See: 5 Books Every Married Couple Should Read)

5. Vacation. This is my favorite reset button. Anytime Jenny and I can get away from the routine of work and kids, our marriage grows closer. It’s not a reset button we can hit every day, but it is an annual opportunity for us to grow closer together. If you do not get away with your spouse on at least a yearly basis, stop right now and plan a trip.

There are moments in which every couple needs to clear the slate, be reminded of what is important, and renew their love for one another. While marriage may not come with a built-in reset button, we can create habits which allow us to reunite, remember our love, and re-engage life with an invigorated connection with one another.

What are some ways you reset your marriage?

For More, See:

Are You Having Enough Sex?

The Number One Cause of Divorce

9 Responses to One Thing Great Couples Do That Others Don’t
  1. W Reply

    You da’ man preach’. You da man!!!

  2. erica barter Reply

    Great reminder. Wish Alfie and I were able to get away more often.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Erica, some seasons are tough to get away. In those time you have to steal small moments.

  3. Maureen Austin Reply

    My husband and I have often had a little heat thrown our way for “leaving our kids to go away as much as we do.” It’s equaled out to about once a year. We just got back from a long weekend at Disneyland in California. To celebrate our 20th anniversary. So there’s something to be said from time alone, away from everyone (and everything else). Not to mention the fact, our kids get to eat whatever they want for breakfast thanks to Nana.

  4. amyacewriter Reply

    It’s a good word. Celebrating our 28th anniversary this weekend by… going on vacation. Even though we are moving the week after that. 🙂

  5. […] Being physically close to one another increases the likelihood of a shared positive experience. The ... kevinathompson.com/proximity-get-closer-to-feel-closer
  6. mLaurie Reply

    Great ideas here! Wish I would have found it sooner…

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