May 032016 1 Response

When There’s No Time for Marriage

“There’s just no time.” There isn’t a phrase I hear repeated more often from couples struggling in marriage, especially those who are in the middle of raising a family. They understand many of the characteristics of a happy marriage. They have read all the tips and suggestions of how to improve their marriage. However, when it comes down to actually doing the work necessary to make their marriage work, they feel incapable because of all the demands on their present schedule.

No one would deny the relationship between quality time and marital happiness. Couples have to regularly relate to one another to have any hope of success. When two people–either knowingly or unknowingly–fail to spend time with one another, their relationship is destined for failure. (See: No Wonder You Don’t Love Each Other)

Yet what should a couple do when they feel like they don’t have enough time to be happy?

When there’s no time for marriage:

1. You steal time. Knowing the correlation between time spent together and marital satisfaction, a wise couple will always be on the look out of ways to steal time–a text while sitting in a waiting room, a phone call in between appointments, meeting one another at home for lunch, etc. By stealing pockets throughout a week, a couple can feel a closer connection with one another.

2. You make time. Some couples might be busier than others, but you are not busier than everyone else. Consider–there is a couple with a happy marriage whose schedule is more hectic than yours. They have found a way to make it work, so should you. We all have the same amount of time in a week. If you want a healthy marriage, make the conscious decision to spend quality time with your spouse. If you don’t make the time, you will never find the time. (See: You Chose This–a Reflection on Time Management)

3. You give time. One of the joys of co-parenting is we can negotiate trade offs with our spouse. One parent can get up early while the other sleeps in. One can entertain the kids while the other goes for a run. By giving time to your spouse for them to rejuvenate or accomplish something they need to get done, they are more likely to have some time to give you.

4. You refuse time. Most couples never consider the need to restrict a family’s commitments for the sake of protecting their marriage. If you never tell your children no regarding a sporting event, activity, and other time-consuming demands, you probably aren’t doing a good job in prioritizing your marriage. Refuse to commit your family to some demands in order to save that time for your spouse. It may feel selfish but no one will benefit more from a happy marriage than your children.

5. You maximize time. For many couples, they spend enough time together to have a healthy relationship, but it’s the worst time of the day. Spending your worst hour with one another–when you are most exhausted and distracted–is of less value than spending your best 15 minutes together. If the only time you interact with your spouse is at the very end of the day, you aren’t giving them your best time. Figure out when you are at your best and find a way to give your spouse some of that time. (See: When You Are Too Tired for Sex)

Creating a happy marriage is not an easy task. In our fast-paced world with a multitude of demands, it’s easier to choose a variety of pressing issues over spending time with our spouse. Yet happy couples have a habit–they find a way. Longing to be with one another, they use every tactic possible to find a way to be with each other.

Unhealthy couples forever live in the delusion that they simply don’t have the opportunity to be happy with one another. They find an excuse for every reasonable suggestion and slowly allow their relationship to die.

When there is no time for marriage, steal it, make it, give it, refuse it, and maximize it because without it, you marriage cannot thrive.

One Response to When There’s No Time for Marriage
  1. […] 1. Continually make a conscious choice to spend time together. You can’t wait until you sense ...

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