Sep 222015 10 Responses

Three Things Husbands Need to See

Men are visual. We were created to be visual. It is not a sign of childishness or foolishness. The fact that women are less visual does not make them better people. Men are visual, and that is not just okay, it is good.

The differences between men and women serve our common good. They allow us to view life through different perspectives. These differences, meant for our good, can also be a source of our frustration. It is difficult to understand why those of the opposite sex view life so differently from us. While we can’t fully understand these differences, we must trust our spouse when he or she communicates what is important to them.

Most men are quick to say their eyes greatly influence them. They don’t  just need to hear about their spouse’s love; they need to see it as well.

Three things husbands need to see: (See: Four Things Wives Need to See)

1. Your eyes. One of the most overlooked things long-time married couples can do to improve their marriage is to look each other in the eye. Dating begins that way. One of the greatest signs of romantic interest is eye contact. Couples who are interested in one another linger their eyes just a little longer than others.

Eye contact shouldn’t stop as the years go by. Couples should intentionally look one another in the eye on a regular basis. Don’t yell “goodbye” as you walk out the door. Find one another, look each other in the eye, and say goodbye. Don’t give a head nod when you return home. Embrace. Look into your partner’s eyes enough to see how they are.  Don’t talk while watching TV or looking at your phone. Look one another in the eye and truly listen.

2. Your smile. Have you ever met a new person and not smiled at them? Maybe some have, but most of us have not. Smiling is a natural response when we meet someone new. We smile because it communicates we are friendly, unarmed, safe, and kind. How much more does our spouse need to be reminded that we are those things? (See: When Your Marriage Feels Stuck)

Smiling is a powerful act. While we might fake a smile when meeting new people, we need to truly smile (with our eyes) on a daily basis at our spouse. Smiling takes effort and intention. A true smile connects us with our spouse no matter what is happening in our lives. It reminds them they have priority in our lives. It defines us by our love for one another more than whatever circumstances we might be enduring.

3. Your body. Notice this is third. It’s important, but it’s not the most important. Many people wrongly assume “It’s all men think about.” This simply isn’t true. Men are much more complex than society’s caricature of them. Yet, this simplistic thinking holds some truth. The naked body of a female has tremendous power over a man. A wife should recognize this. She should never use her body to manipulate her husband, but she should regularly use her body to seduce her husband. (See: Top 5 Sex Posts of 2015)

Notice it’s not enough for a man to feel your body. He also needs to see it–lights on, skin visible, and nothing to hide. For some women, this is always difficult.  For many others, it becomes difficult over time. However, this does not diminish the desire of their husband. Husbands need to be compassionate in understanding that women do not see their own bodies the way their husbands do. But wives also need to understand that men look at their wives’ bodies differently than wives see themselves. (See: Are You Having Enough Sex?)

Men are visual. So are many women, just not to the same extent of men. Because men are visual, these three things can have a powerful impact on how they view themselves and their spouses. Show your husband your eyes, your smile, and your body. It will make your marriage better. And if you want to make it great, do all three at the same time.

 

10 Responses to Three Things Husbands Need to See
  1. STEPcoach Reply

    “Men are much more complex than society’s caricature of them.” YES! Thank you, Kevin. I hear this so often from confused couples who started off with the wrong foot – thinking sex was all they needed. Real men (not just boys, regardless of age) need more connection. (We) want and need a friend who shares our interests, our dreams, our fears, our full lives. This idea that to keep your man ladies just need to keep his belly full and his bed active is damaging marriages. Television’s depiction of the goofy guy who needs his brilliant, beautiful woman to keep him tranquillized is stupid.

  2. glendakuhn Reply

    Women need their husband’s ear, not just to hear the words, but to listen to the intent. Women need assurance of their husband’s attention, affection, adoration.

  3. […] are visual. In response to the visual nature of men, I wrote the article Three Things Husbands Need ... kevinathompson.com/four-things-wives-need-to-see
  4. […] 2. Avoiding eye contact. Few things are as intimate as eye contact. One of the first signs that some... kevinathompson.com/7-red-flags-dying-intimacy
  5. ccbarr Reply

    Wish for less critisizing if me,my cooking, …a kind word is appreciated.

  6. […] Here’s a bonus thought: Guys, draw clear boundaries about looking at other women while on vaca... kevinathompson.com/vacation-stay-married
  7. […] Here’s the prescription: Commit to a distraction free, conversation every other day. The conve... kevinathompson.com/40-minutes-will-rejuvenate-marriage
  8. […] 2. Smile. As we age, most people gradually smile less. We forget the impact a smile can play on a re... kevinathompson.com/5-quick-marriage-hacks
  9. Jackie Reply

    God tells men they are to love wife as Christ loves his church…..,,…

    They are wife first responder… that open the door to wife trust and love to flow soooo well.

    Believe In God totally-
    Godly husband are the sexiest and hottest!

    to nourish and cherish you as my wife.

    i should be praising you for all the things you do.
    i know I should be giving you quality time like listening and doing things with you.
    i should be helping you do things without you having to be asked to do them.
    i should hold you and touch you more so you feel loved.
    i should be value what you are doing and let you know ii apureshate what you do for me.

    we are one together.
    let you know you are the only one for me.

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