Mar 192013 17 Responses

What A Drunk Girl Deserves

She foolishly drank too much.

Too young to be drinking any alcoholic beverage, she drank more than anyone should ever drink. It didn’t just impair her judgment, it prevented her from having judgment.

What does a 16 year-old, scantily clad girl, passed out from alcohol deserve when at a party with hormonally charged teenage boys? SHE DESERVES TO BE PROTECTED. 

She doesn’t deserve to be mocked, groped, or raped. She wasn’t asking for it. She didn’t deserve it. (See: This Issue Shames Me More Than Any Other)

Women deserve the protection of men. They deserve men to use their God-given strength to love and support them, not to denigrate and destroy them.

In a state of vulnerability, this girl should have been safe because the men present should have protected her. Instead they abused her. She did not get what she deserved.

To claim otherwise is a complete denial of personal responsibility for the men involved and another attack on the victim of a heinous crime. (See: Alcohol–For or Against?)

What does a victim of rape deserve from society? SHE DESERVES TO BE PROTECTED.

She doesn’t deserve to be blamed. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like a co-conspirator. She deserves the compassion and empathy which should be given to any victim. Instead she has been victimized again.

It’s a habit in America. We often blame the victim.

This past year in a neighboring town, a few boys accused a teacher of sexual abuse. In response to the allegation, a rally was held—for the teacher. While I’m sure the people felt as though they were supporting their friend, the crowd was actually announcing to every abuse victim in the region that if they speak, this is the treatment they will receive. The teacher was found guilty of sexual indecency with another trial still to come. To my knowledge there has not been a rally to apologize to the victims. (See: Dealing With the Accused and the Accusers in a Small Town)

These two cases bring to mind a simple principle when dealing with wrongdoing. It seems like an obvious principle, but it is one which often takes great thought and care to implement. The principle is:

Keep the victim the victim, the perpetrator the perpetrator, and the bystanders the bystanders.

When wrongdoing occurs, always take the time to consider who is who, because if we aren’t very careful, humanity has a tendency of confusing the characters. We blame the victim, excuse the perpetrator, and accuse the bystanders.

It’s a tragic habit. It tells the victims to be quiet. It tells the perpetrator it’s not their vault. And it tells the bystanders they are to blame.

Everyone is responsible for their own decisions. At no point should we excuse others for their mistakes. However, a person forced into a situation as a bystander, deserves more grace for their mistakes than a perpetrator who caused the situation. A victim deserves compassion even though they aren’t perfect. Remembering who is who is vital to judging a situation properly.

Consider several situations in your life—at work, at home, in society—have you confused the victim, the perpetrator, and the bystanders?

For More, See:

How Football Can Protect Women

I Wouldn’t Sleep With You Either

17 Responses to What A Drunk Girl Deserves
  1. Aaron W. Matthews Reply

    Great, great post!

  2. Pam gregory Reply

    Great post. Thanks Kevin

  3. dennyneff Reply

    Yes Kevin this is a wonderful post. I would like to make a comment however, I know women who would be offended that you would infer their need nor want for the protection of men. Feminists, in my opinion, have hijacked the wonderful distinctions God created between men and women as well as perverting these distinctions with their own ideals. I agree with your point of view completely and have first hand witnessed the harm that this treatment you present has caused not only women but our society as well. The only way this is going to change however, is for the Gospel to apprehend the hearts of men and women across this nation and world which by the way is my prayer and I know yours as well. Bless you my friend and thank you again for taking the time to write and share your heart.

  4. Mason Kesner Reply

    Great post Kevin.

  5. Chris Reply

    Jesus isn’t real. But agreed.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Isn’t real? Interesting. I can understand not believing he was God, but I think historians would laugh at the thought of believing he wasn’t real.

  6. Cassidy Kincannon Reply

    This is awesome!

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  12. thatgirlwiththedarkhair Reply

    I’m commenting to thank you for this post. I’ve been following your blog for some time, and mostly agree with your views (a lot of times I disagree, but I respect your opinion). I am compelled to make a comment because I have survived an assault, in a similar situation to what you describe in your post. I write about my journey of healing in one of my blogs, and although I see “God” a bit differently than you, I believe it is my connection to what you would call “God” that helped me to come out of the dark tunnel of assault triumphantly.

    Thank you for saying this, because almost no one else is. Women (and men, and other vulnerable populations who are raped, such as children) deserve the protection of their communities and societies, and are simply not receiving it.

    To the person who said that feminism is twisting this around, I think of the modern-day feminism as a bit extreme sometimes and sometimes seeking victimhood when it does not exist (I might catch flak for this from feminists, but oh well.). However, I believe that my version of feminism, the world in which everyone is kind and compassionate to everyone else, regardless of lifestyles, personal choices, personal views, political views, etc, would have men protecting women, would have women and men protecting children, would have everyone in society protecting those who need it and sheltering those who need a safety net. That, I feel, is the true goal of feminism, and unfortunately, I also feel that it’s become extremist in a lot of circles.

    Thank you, again, Kevin, for writing this and for addressing this issue with such compassion for the victims. I can’t adequately express how healing this is for me to read.

    Bless you.

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