Apr 282015 15 Responses

When Boys No Longer Ask Out Girls

It sounds horribly old-fashioned, I know, but I still think it is true.

Boys should ask out girls.

This should be the normal procedure for dating. Not a text, not a hint, not a word through a friend. But the old-fashioned dial her number, talk to her on the phone, and ask her on a date. (See: Dating to Break Up–a Unique Perspective)

It sounds crazy to today’s modern young adult. It’s not the way things work. But at what cost have we changed the rules?

I was a shy kid, very shy. The thought of being rejected in asking a girl for a date resulted in me being alone on a lot of Friday nights in high school. The fear was too great.

Yet eventually desire overcame fear. What I wanted was greater than what might happen, so I picked up the phone and cold-called the girl whom I had causally met on two occasions. She agreed to the date and the rest is history.

But I wonder what would have happened if I was born twenty years later. What if I was a student in today’s culture?

Chances are I would not have to face the tension. (See: Love a Person, Not the Idea of Love)

Quickly fading are the days where a boy was expected to ask a girl out for a date. Now, girls ask the boys or boys hint to their friends or send out sub-tweets in hopes of getting the right response.

All of these would have appealed to me as a teenager, but they all terrify me as a parent.

By removing the face-to-face, or at the least voice-to-voice, aspect of asking for a date, we are enabling childish behavior which society cannot afford.

The last thing we need are more boys failing to become men. Yet in multiple ways we are empowering our children to remain children. (See: What a Drunk Girl Deserves)

Boys need to ask out girls because boys need to understand the power of initiative. They need to recognize their fear of rejection is minor in comparison to the fun of a great date or the joy of a meaningful relationship. They need to learn to overcome their fears and to take action. They need to experience the negative consequences of being paralyzed by their fear.

My fear of today’s culture, where boys do not have to ask out girls, is not just the negative implications it will have on relationships (and they will be negative) but the negative impact it will have upon all of society.

Far too often, boys are reaping all the benefits of a relationship with a woman without any of the responsibilities. These benefits could be as minor as having a date to a prom to as major of having a sexual relationship with a woman without the expectation of providing for her or protecting her. (See: Pastoral Advice for Single Women)

Boys should not have the privileges of men because it enables them to remain boys. They should be challenged, encouraged, and empowered to grow-up. Unfortunately our society is failing to create a climate in which boys feel enough tension so that they will make the hard decisions and take decisive actions.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned. Maybe I’m wrong. But I think the simple process of boys asking out girls for dates is more than just a relationship issue. I think it is part of a bigger story of how we are failing to raise young men. We don’t have fewer males in today’s society, we simply have fewer men. Our boys have grown physically, but have not matured mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

A few months ago I heard a girl say, “If any boy would have the courage to call me on the phone and ask me out, I would go out with him.” It was a striking statement because from the outside looking in, one would assume this girl had a line of suitors a mile long. Yet she was voicing the frustration of many modern women who are looking for a man and seeing nothing but boys.

Two suggestions:

Young women: Refuse to play today’s game. Realize it would be better to be alone than to be in a relationship with someone who hasn’t grown up. Set high standards (the right ones—how you will be treated, the moral code you will live by, etc) and do not lower them. Do not enable boys by doing for them what they should be doing for themselves.

Young men: Find courage. Realize the unique opportunity before you if you will refuse today’s culture and actually be a man. Be noble. Be old-school in the right ways (call a girl to ask her out, open her door for her, plan the date, have her home on time, respect her father, etc). Challenge yourselves by doing things that scare you but you know are the right actions.

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15 Responses to When Boys No Longer Ask Out Girls

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