Jul 092014 22 Responses

This Is Who You Want to Marry

I’ve never seen it on someone’s Top Ten list of traits for a future spouse. Yet one characteristic I would demand regarding a future spouse is a healthy work-ethic.

It’s late at night as I write this. Having put the kids to bed, Jenny and I have opened up our laptops. I’m forming sentences as she is surveying spreadsheets. She’s worked all day. The first hour was spent getting kids ready. The next seven were spent on her company. The next few hours were spent watching kids and talking to clients. A few hours were spent cooking, cleaning, spending time with family, and putting kids to bed. Now a few more are spent trying to get some things completed which were not finished earlier.

Not every night is like this. She’s not a workaholic, but she is a hard worker.

Never marry someone who isn’t. (See: Dating to Break-Up–a Unique Perspective)

Laziness kills relationships.

It might look appealing at first. It seems easy and laid-back. But when you marry a lazy person you will either have to do the work of two people or live in the consequences of their laziness. Neither are desired.

A healthy work-ethic is necessary for a well-balanced relationship. If a person is lazy, the marriage becomes unequal. One spouse does more work than the other. This easily results in bitterness and/or entitlement. It makes one spouse the parent and the other a child, but marriage is about partnership.  (See: You’re Not My Soul Mate)

Partnership requires equal effort. It doesn’t require both parties to be involved in the same type of work; as a matter of fact, the more diversified the efforts, the more well-rounded the couple. The same type of work isn’t necessary but the same amount of work is.

In a healthy marriage, both partners are giving equal effort to make the partnership work. While there might be seasons in which this isn’t true—illness or other situations might limit the capability of one partner—most of the time it is the defining characteristic.

Mutual satisfaction is most often found with mutual work. Only one might draw a paycheck, but in a happy relationship both partners are contributing to the well-being of the relationship. (See: Never Marry Someone Who Blames the Umpire)

Work-ethic isn’t always easy to identify while dating, especially if you are in college, but there are some clues:

Does the person study regularly and take their school work seriously?

If they have a job outside of school, do they do that job to the best of their ability?

If given a responsibility, do they follow through with it?

Do others view them as lazy?

Lazy people make bad spouses. They expect to have the fruits of labor but they are unwilling to do the labor. Most often they expect their spouse to do the work for them. (See: Marry a Partner, Not a Child)

It’s okay to be friends with someone who is lazy, but never marry them. Life is too hard and success takes too much work for half of the partnership to hold you back.

Only marry someone who is willing to work just as hard as you are. If you don’t, you will forever be frustrated, lonely, and tired.

But if you marry someone who works hard at their job and the relationship, you will always have a partner by your side. Marriage is a partnership between equals, therefore work-ethic should be an essential quality in who you choose to marry.

22 Responses to This Is Who You Want to Marry
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