Jul 282015 17 Responses

Five Types of Women You Shouldn’t Marry

A reader asked, “What type of woman should I not marry?”

Whenever I’m giving young men marriage advice, I always say, “Find a woman who is low maintenance and highly motivated.” It’s how I describe Jenny and what I think defines two important characteristics in a good wife. Of course, some women would describe themselves (or be described by their husbands) as “high maintenance” and they are still good wives. However, a low maintenance spouse makes for an easier marriage.

Both of these qualities can be found if a person identifies five distinct qualities and ensures they are not present in the person they desire to marry.

Five Types of Women You Shouldn’t Marry:

1. Spoiled. While fathers love to spoil their daughters, little girls should not grow up to be spoiled women. There is nothing wrong with liking good things and wanting a man to provide for his family. However, when a woman feels entitled to things without making an equal contribution, she is not cut out for a successful marriage. To spoil is to change the character of something because of “excessive indulgence.” If a woman’s character has been compromised because of wealth or material things, stay away from her.

2. Lazy. Laziness is often a byproduct of being spoiled, but some people are lazy without being spoiled. A solid work-ethic is important for a happy marriage. If both spouses aren’t willing to work, marriage will be very difficult. Work-ethic isn’t about drawing a paycheck, it’s about consistently making the effort required for a successful life. Whether at a job, around the house, or in the relationship, laziness will kill a marriage. If a person is lazy while dating, they will likely be just as lazy, if not more so, when married. (See: This Is Who You Want to Marry)

3. Unstable. Emotional stability is often overlooked as a key characteristic of a good spouse, yet it’s importance should be obvious. When someone is emotionally stable, they are reasonably predictable. In nearly every case, we know how they will respond. However, when someone is emotionally unstable, we never know what we are going to get. They might laugh at a situation one time and fly off the handle the next time. They might receive a comment as a compliment on one day but then be deeply hurt by the same words the next day. The unpredictable responses can paralyze a spouse. When looking for a spouse, find someone who is emotionally stable. (See: A Checklist to Gauge Emotional Health)

4. Unfaithful. While adultery is devastating no matter the relationship, when women are unfaithful it is even less likely a relationship will endure. Maybe it’s because men are less forgiving. More likely it is because when women have an affair the relationship is already in deeper trouble. But no matter the situation, any hint of unfaithfulness while dating should cause a man to run. (See: You Will Have an Affair If…)

5. Addicted. No matter how great a woman may be, if she is addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling or any other destructive behavior, it will likely destroy the relationship. The problem with addiction is the active addict is more in love with their substance than their spouse. While a recovering addict can make a great spouse, an active addict cannot. If you love someone who is in an addiction, tell them to fix the addiction and then give you a call. But do not marry someone in the midst of the struggle. (See: If Your Boyfriend Is an Addict, Break-up with Him)

While the reader asked his question about women, these five qualities are true in every relationship. If your potential spouse is free from these five qualities, it will go a long way in creating a healthy relationship.

17 Responses to Five Types of Women You Shouldn’t Marry
  1. Caleb Reply

    Kevin, I have a friend (no really, it’s not me. :)) and he struggles with why so many ministers seem to marry so many people that do not seem that ready for it. I guess I figured that pastors felt in some part, that the individuals who are asking you to marry them are the ones responsible and the ones who had to live with their choice. As it relates to this post, I bet you have probably married plenty of woman and men with these traits. Is there a reason I can tell my friend why pastors don’t generally have a strict policy about who they marry?

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      It’s a very tough call. Different pastors have different ideas. Some do have a strict policy. Others, like me, will generally marry most couples. My theory is kind of like an ER doc who does the best to his ability to save every patient who comes in the ER. You never truly know who will make it and who won’t. I’ve had couples who I thought wouldn’t last five minutes and now they’ve been married for a long time. In other cases I thought certain a couple was doing it right and they were divorced within months. So for me, it’s the fact that I’m a bad judge of who may or may not make it that causes me to perform most ceremonies.

  2. Caleb Reply

    Very understandable.

  3. KWIKIRIZA TEDDY Reply

    Every woman should struggle hard not 2 fall a victim.

  4. […] After fifteen years of marriage, I now know. (See: 5 Types of Women You Shouldn’t Marry) [R... kevinathompson.com/kind-wife-want
  5. Urina Reply

    I’m so glad I’m not a wife. I wouldn’t want to live with the Stepford husbands you describe.

  6. […] In a wedding ceremony, I try to remind the couple this acceptance of death might come in a dramatic ... kevinathompson.com/willing-to-live-for-her
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  8. Kb azi Reply

    What about selfish women’s,gossip women’s, flirt women’s, they can destroy marriages

  9. Kay Reply

    How would you describe a husband/man that is high maintenance?

  10. […] There are other men you shouldn’t marry, but this is near the top of the list. When I wrote Fi... kevinathompson.com/signs-lazy-man
  11. DariusW Reply

    All very common sense pieces of advice. I completely agree. I’m also happy to see an article not full of political correctness, and unafraid to lay out the facts without trying to keep up with modern day “everything goes” thinking as it relates to relationships. Kudos.

  12. AW Reply

    Career women are the worst ones of all to get married too, that is for sure.

  13. Tatciana Reply

    Central to all this is selflessness and willing to change and adjust for the better of all. No one is perfect. But there is something to be said for those who can reflect and make drastic change in order to grow as a person.

    Also leadership we all play leadership roles, be it with children or with our wives. Many women are a damaged product of those who abused their role and influence within their lives. Often these men are also damaged by the roles men have played in their lives.

    And yes be it what you listed and other things not listed make it hard for marriage but not impossible. You can marry Best to urging will be right fit but in the end it’s commitment and work form both sides that has the ability to transform

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