Feb 042015 15 Responses

Five Ways a Husband Respects His Wife

Few things kill intimacy between two people like an absence of respect.

It’s often said that what men need most is respect and what women need most is love. It simply isn’t true.

Women need respect just as much as men. Respect is an aspect of love within the context of marriage. (See: Respect–A Necessary Ingredient for Marriage)

The need for a husband to respect his wife is just as important as a wife respecting her husband.

Five ways a husband respects his wife:

1. He seeks to fully know her and to woo her heart. Respect drives action. As a byproduct of respect, I should seek to know my wife more. Because I respect what I know, I desire to know even more. I then use that knowledge in order to win her heart over and over again. This is easily done while dating, but, sadly, many men stop attempting to woo their wife after a ring is placed on her finger. This is disrespectful. Whenever a woman says, “I do,” her husband should continue to invest in her heart and build her affection toward him. Whether through intention or apathy, to fail to learn more about my wife is to communicate a lack of respect for who she is and who she wants to become.

2. He is a true partner to her in raising children, making a home, and fulfilling her dreams. Respect includes time, work, and aspirations. Whenever a husband fails to be a partner to his wife in every area of her life, he is showing that he does not respect her responsibilities, giftedness, and expectations. One of the joys of marriage should be the knowledge that we are not alone in anything. In every aspect of life I have someone cheering me on and assisting me to do what needs to be done. We expect this from women toward their husbands. We should also expect it from men toward their wives. (See: Mary a Partner, Not a Child)

3. He speaks to her and about her with respect. Communication is often the easiest way to identify if someone respects another. We are quick to excuse poor communication in the context of marital commitment, but it should not be excused. While grace should always be given and no one is perfect, it is fair for a spouse to expect to be talked to and talked about in a respectful way. A husband should talk about his wife in a way that honors her, and protects her weaknesses and privacy. He should also talk to her in a way that reveals the deep love and admiration he has for her. (See: Respect–the Secret to Good Communication in Marriage)

4. He is influenced by her opinions and beliefs. People I respect influence me. I can’t help it. Because I hold them in such high admiration, I am changed because of them. If a husband is not influenced by his spouse, he does not respect her. In order to be influenced, I have to seek my wife’s opinions and attempt to understand her beliefs. Anytime I assume I know her or I excuse what she thinks, I am failing to respect her. Men and women are different. We see things differently and understand things differently. A wise husband sees his wife as his greatest ally in business, family, and life. Even if she doesn’t know the details of what he is doing, she is the leading expert on his strengths and weaknesses. This knowledge should make her a trusted ally.

5. He nourishes a healthy emotional relationship with her. For some men this is easy. For others it is very difficult. Yet because I respect my spouse, I desire to give her what she needs. I am not fully responsible for everything she needs, but there are many things which can only come from me. It is a sign of respect when a husband lets down his guard and allows his wife to have full access to his heart—what he is thinking, feeling, fearing, desiring, etc. This is a risky proposition and one we shouldn’t just try with anyone. Only in the context of deep love should we attempt such a relationship. (See: A Checklist to Gauge Your Emotional Health)

Respect is a vital part of any relationship. It is a necessary aspect of a healthy marriage. Where respect is present, problems are negotiable, communication is helpful, and compassion is abounding. Where respect is absent, everything is toxic.

Husbands, love your wives by developing a deep respect for them.

Women, what is it that makes you feel the most respected by your husbands?

For more, see:

Five Ways a Wife Respects Her Husband

Obey Your Mother, Respect My Wife

 

15 Responses to Five Ways a Husband Respects His Wife
  1. L Reply

    My husband has never respected me and has always made that very clear. He says that I don’t “do anything” for him. I apparently don’t help him be a better person. I am deeply hurt by this and made that known. He answers by ignoring me. We have 2 small children together and have children from previous marriages. I stay at home with the kids and homeschool. I make all of our meals. I keep the house realitively clean. I am generally ready for sex when he is. I keep up my personal appearance. I give everything I am to him and our children. I do not understand why he doesn’t respect me.

    Our story is a long and dramatic one so I can’t possibly write it all here. I have had my share of mental/emotional issues but have only made great strides forward. I have sought help and gotten better. I finally love and respect myself. He still does not. I guess I didn’t care when I also thought myself unworthy. But now that I know my worth, I feel this is something we cannot overcome. I don’t want my daughters thinking they are unworthy. I don’t want my son’s to treat their wives as if they are unworthy.

    I am torn on what to do. I deserve respect. I deserve love. He does also. But what if he never can respect me?

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      If he can’t grow in his respect for you, I don’t see how the marriage can be healthy.

  2. […] Thompson wrote a good blog post about how husbands respect their wives.  Below is my take on the to... filterfreezone.com/kudos-to-the-husbands-who
  3. Celeste Reply

    I think for me, when I see that he TRUSTS me. As a man in upper management in his company, my hubby is used to making decisions and delegating tasks and sometimes, that bleeds over into home as well. When he recognizes my abilities to make sound decisions as it relates to our children, our home, and even our finances/budget, I feel that he’s truly respecting me as his partner.

    I appreciated the perspective you brought to the table. While I do feel that my husband places a higher emphasis on respect (in general, not just in our marriage) than I do, your post opened my eyes to the ways that I truly do value his mutual respect toward me. Thank you for that!

    Blessings!

  4. Torie Reply

    When he stays faithful

  5. Jenna Reply

    Ive been in a relationship for 5 years and there has always been some sort of issue with my fiance regarding respect, it was only recently that I’ve realized how bad it is. Too many things to list. Anyway, I’m currently at my lowest point. Emotionally​ and physically burnt out and my head spins just thinking about what to do with our relationship. Reading articles and watching videos endlessly which leads me to this article. I want to thank you for putting some things in perspective for me. This is one of a handful of articles that meant something to me. So thank you.

  6. […] All five of these actions have one thing in common–I want to avoid them because I desire to sh... kevinathompson.com/5-things-never-to-do-to-your-wife-in-public
  7. […] 3. Berate Him. Disagreements must be had and your opinion needs to be known, but it should not be co... kevinathompson.com/5-things-not-to-do-to-your-husband-in-public
  8. Sad but likely moving on Reply

    He doesn’t cheat on her with multiple women at work for over 11 years. And then tell those women horrible things about his wife. But once he gets caught all of a sudden he’s in love with his wife again. Yeah sure, when it will cost him a huge divorce settlement.

  9. CC Reply

    I think I’m my case my husband doesn’t respect my financial opinion and the decisions I make with the kids or how I do things. It makes me feel so worthless and inadequate. I already suffer with depressive mood so he doesn’t make it any better with his micro managing and mistakes with our finances. I just feel so stuck and not happy when I so badly want to be. I try to tell him how I’m feeling and he doesn’t truly listen to me. I suggested counseling but he is not fully open to it. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m hurt and so angry.

  10. […] Any article with respect in the title is not only widely read, but quickly shared. (See Here, Here, ... kevinathompson.com/4-words-respected
  11. Genia Culwell Reply

    My husband & I have been married 27 yrs the first 17 were great then family’s deaths his mom my dad & in 2014 our oldest sons passing…are just a few things that should bring a couple together but not us we fight through the pain he has to be right & will do anything he has to in order to be able to look down upon me.
    II had became addicted to methamphetamine over several yrs & in 2005 when my dad died I was in full blown addiction I ended up in jail on a manufacturing charge & to say the least this devestated my husband & kids.
    I got sentenced to rehab and spent 14 months away from them….I came home to a man that had said he forgave me & was proud of me kicking the meth.
    I’m not sure when he lost all respect for me but I’ve felt unloved for many yrs in the past 6-9 months I’ve gotten.to where I call him out on stuff that he does/doesn’t do to me.
    This makes him super uncomfortable because he is never wrong we have been off and on counseling for many yrs and today he finally admitted that he had no respect what so ever for me.
    I’m hurt & angry to the point I think we will never make it in our marriage.
    I’ve jumped through hoops for yrs to take care of this man just to have my self esteem beat down around me & now I have nothing left to give him I’m tired & growing increasingly hopeless that things will change.
    I failed to mention that he’s had porn addictions & been so critical of me that I almost relapsed a couple of times & I think that would have made him happy.
    What should I do now….I’ve been rite all these yrs while he’s maintained his super superior attitude of mom’s crap & dad’s a saint act going on,him and our 20 yr old son gang up on me & my son has no respect for me either.
    This mom’s ready to run away.
    I’m sorry of this is not where this belongs,I’m just lost rite now.

  12. Taryenna Enterkin Reply

    Ten Ways a married couple can
    respect and love each other

    1. Seek to fully know and to woo their heart.

    Respect and love drive action. As a byproduct of love and respect, I should seek to know my spouse more. Because I respect and love what I know, I desire to know even more. I then use that knowledge in order to win their heart over and over again. This is easily done while dating, but, sadly, many stop attempting to woo their spouse after a ring is placed on their finger. This is disrespectful and unloving. Whenever a person says, “I do,” their spouse should continue to invest in their heart and build their affection toward them. Whether through intention or apathy, to fail to learn more about my spouse is to communicate a lack of respect and love for who they are and who they want to become.

    2. Recognize what is taking place in their life.

    Few things create a feeling of respect and love like being known. By listening, paying attention to their life, reading their body language, and knowing their routines, a spouse can see what is going on in their spouse’s life and respond appropriately. If they’re having a good day or are in a good season, you can ask more of them. If they’re stressed or in a busy time, you can help them by requesting less from them or assisting them with chores they normally do.

    3. Be a true partner to them in raising children, making a home, and fulfilling their dreams.

    Respect and love include time, work, and aspiration. Whenever a spouse fails to be a partner to their spouse in every area of their life, they are showing that they do not respect or love their spouse’s responsibilities, giftedness, and expectations. One of the joys of marriage should be the knowledge that we are not alone in anything. In every aspect of life I have someone cheering me on and assisting me to do what needs to be done. We expect this from women toward their husbands. We should also expect it from men toward their wives.

    4. Assist them in accomplishing their life’s work.

    Actions communicate that your spouse is not alone in life. They have a partner who is capable, helpful, and willing to assist in what they’re trying to achieve. While spouses may have different tasks they are trying to accomplish, they help one another when possible. A spouse can serve as an adviser, sounding board, voice of reason, and a variety of other roles that make them better at what they do.

    5. Honor the boundaries they have set for their life.

    Even though a couple is married, there are responsibilities which one or the other spouse chooses. While a spouse may be aware of what is going on in their spouse’s life, they have neither an expectation nor a right to involve themselves in every situation. Their job is their job; it is not yours. A spouse feels respected when their spouse supports them in doing their job without trying to do the job for them. Do not overstep your bounds and involve yourself in things which are not your business. Boundaries are set around work, friendships, family, and a variety of issues. The couple sets the boundaries and then they both respect the lines which have been drawn.

    6. Speak to them and about them with respect.

    Communication is often the easiest way to identify if someone respects another. We are quick to excuse poor communication in the context of marital commitment, but it should not be excused. While grace should always be given and no one is perfect, it is fair for a spouse to expect to be talked to and talked about in a respectful way. A spouse should talk about their spouse in a way that honors them, and protects their weaknesses and privacy. They should also talk to them in a way that reveals the deep love and admiration they have for them.

    7. Be influenced by their opinions and beliefs.

    People I respect influence me. I can’t help it. Because I hold them in such high admiration, I am changed because of them. If a spouse is not influenced by their spouse, they do not respect them. In order to be influenced, I have to seek my spouse’s opinions and attempt to understand their beliefs. Anytime I assume I know them or I excuse what thy think, I am failing to respect them. Men and women are different. We see things differently and understand things differently. A wise spouse sees their spouse as their greatest ally in business, family, and life. Even if they don’t know the details of what you’re doing, they are the leading expert on your strengths and weaknesses. This knowledge should make them a trusted ally.

    8. Nourish a healthy emotional relationship with them.

    For some this is easy. For others it is very difficult. Yet because I respect my spouse, I desire to give them what they need. I am not fully responsible for everything they need, but there are many things which can only come from me. It is a sign of respect when a spouse lets down their guard and allows the other to have full access to their heart—what they are thinking, feeling, fearing, desiring, etc. This is a risky proposition and one we shouldn’t just try with anyone. Only in the context of deep love should we attempt such a relationship.

    9. Love, encourage, and challenge them.

    Don’t just tell them what they want to hear. Don’t be afraid to speak truth, but do so with their best interest at heart. While others might have ulterior motives, you are always looking out for them. Often you believe in them more than they believe in themselves, and you know when they need to be encouraged. Whether speaking a challenging word or an encouraging word, everything is spoken in love. Love and respect go hand-in-hand. In marriage, you can’t have one without the other.

    10. Nourish a healthy physical relationship.

    Some people might be able to feel loved and honored by their spouse without sex or physical touch, but most don’t. In general, humans cannot separate love or value and sex or physical touch in a marriage. Show me a person who is dissatisfied with their sexual life or with the amount of physical touch they receive and I’ll show you someone who likely feels as though their spouse does not fully respect or love them. Sex or physical touch are not the main conduits to communicate love and respect, but they are a major way to do so. If a spouse will make a concerted effort to identify and understand their spouse’s sexual and physical touch needs, they will feel a meaningful level of love and respect.

    Respect and love are a vital part of any relationship. They are a necessary aspect of a healthy marriage. Where respect and love are present, problems are negotiable, communication is helpful, and compassion is abounding. Where respect and love are absent, everything is toxic.
    Spouses, love your spouse by developing a deep respect for them.
    Spouse, respect your spouse by developing a deep love for them.

    A healthy marriage is built on mutual respect and love. The old stereotype that women need love and men need respect is not true; both spouses need to feel love and respect.
    1 Peter 3:7
    New International Version
    Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
    Titus 2:4
    New International Version
    Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,
    Ephesians 5:33
    New International Version
    However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
    Does anyone really want one without the other?

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