May 152013 14 Responses

One Thing you must Show your Spouse

My spouse is more important than my job.

It’s not good enough to say it, I must show it.

I must visibly demonstrate the order of priorities in my life, specifically the supremacy of my marriage over my career.

Everyone says their spouse is more important than their work, but far too few show it.

Describe a way in which you regularly demonstrate the priority of your spouse over work.

  • When does communication with your wife trump your cell phone?
  • In what ways does your husband take precedence over a client?
  • How often does your spouse know he/she is being chosen over a co-worker?

I hope in the years to come that people will look back on the life of our church and say, “it was good, but it could have been a little bit better if the staff would have spent less time with their families and more time at the church.” I don’t want the church to suffer, but I do want it to be a bit less than what it could have been because as a church staff we have placed our families before the church.

If this is true in the world of a pastor, how much more true should it be in every other profession.

It’s easy as a pastor to justify putting my job above my family. My job is not a job; it’s people’s lives. It’s the mending of broken marriages. It’s the life transforming spiritual conversation. It’s someone on their death bed or facing their greatest grief.

Not every conversation is serious, but many are. There are times in which my wife has to take a backseat.

However, if she always takes a backseat, she will know where she ranks. She was not created to always be in the backseat. She was created to walk beside me in life.

As I was with her.

As the husband to a working wife, it’s vitally important for my wife to regularly show me that I come before work.

There are times in which I have to take a backseat. A deadline is near; a client is demanding; an emergency must be dealt with. However, if these situations are the rule and not the exception, I will know where I rank.

As a working couple, we must show each other that we come before it.

It’s true for us and it’s true for you.

Here are some ways to show your spouse they come first:

Eat one meal a day together and do not allow cell phones at the table.

Pick a priority and stick with it. (For me, this is bedtime. I might get home right at bedtime and have to leave right after it, but I will only miss my kids bedtime a few times a year. Not only does this tell my kids they are important, because our kids still demand parental attention to go to sleep, this shows my wife that she comes first.)

Regularly take a day off.

Take an annual vacation together.

Negotiate your work schedule with your spouse. (More than just a pretend negotiation, actually allow them to influence when you do and don’t work.)

Occasionally miss important work events to be with your family.

Never make an expectation out of what a spouse offers as a service. (i.e. Thank her for dinner, don’t expect dinner. Thank him for paying the bills, don’t expect him to pay them.)

Never communicate one spouse’s job is more important than the other.

When busy seasons come at work, clearly identify the start and end of the season, communicate it to your spouse and stay true to your word. (Make sure “this will be a busy week” doesn’t become a busy three weeks.)

Regularly review and repent. (No one gets this right all the time. You must regularly re-evaluate and apologize for getting it wrong.)

What is a way your spouse SHOWS that you are more important than work?

14 Responses to One Thing you must Show your Spouse
  1. Elva Reply

    Excellent advice: my niece is the leader of her home and works while her husband drinks all day with his friends. I’ve said that she’s the enabler. She prays and prays for a miracle. But I said that she must do her part even if it’s hard: Tough love is still love.

  2. Niki Mott Reply

    This only works if you have a civilian job! My husband is in the military and doesn’t have the luxury of opting out of work events, choosing his schedule, or regularly take a day off 🙁

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Very true Niki. Thank you for your service to our country even as your husband serves as well.

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  8. And That Is The Truth Reply

    Well many women nowadays are making a six figure income which they really think that their career is the most important thing which makes these women so very pathetic altogether now since many marriages have really failed over this already which makes it such a real shame since many of us good men had this happened to us too unfortunately.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      In my opinion, marriages don’t fail because of money. It’s just a symptom of another thing.

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  10. Kristy Holland Reply

    I don’t know, Kevin. I think the church would not be better if the staff put it before family! I think that may be where leaders in the church get in trouble in ways that only hurt the church, I do understand the point you were making though! Thank you for your service! (You includes all staff and their families)

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      I think you are right in the long run, the problem is it feels the other way in the short run. In the moment, it’s easy to push your kids aside in order to attend the new members meeting.

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