Apr 042013 33 Responses

This Is Only for Women, Men Shouldn’t Read

Men, this isn’t for you. Trust me. Let me say something to the women and if they listen you will be happy, but stop reading. (See: If I Could Tell Husbands One Thing)

Ok, ladies, this should be interesting. This is one of those posts where I’m grateful that Facebook doesn’t have a dislike button (yet). Of course, my website does have a comment section, so vent your anger there.

Pre-post admission: I’m a guy. I realize I simplify sex far more than I should. I know there are a variety of issues of which I can never understand, so please read this with grace. Do not read it as absolute truth. This is one thought, from one person (a guy); you should consider it and do with it as you wish.

Nearly every week I deal with people having an affair. Most of my time is spent with men who are having, or are on the verge of having, an affair. Without fail, I turn to Proverbs 5-7 to warn men about the dangers of adultery. These three chapters are clear:

  • Adultery leads to death. (5.5)
  • It destroys a man’s honor. (5.9)
  • It ensnares a man. (5.22)
  • An adulterous woman is evil. (6.24)
  • Adultery leads to punishment. (6.29)
  • Adultery is foolish. (7.7)
  • Adultery is a lie. (7.21)
  • An adulterous man is like an ox going to slaughter. (7.22)

On a regular basis I walk men through these truths about adultery. (See: Three Myths About Adultery)

Without question, the purpose of these three chapters is to warn men against adultery. It is a passage which every man should read every month.

Yet as I’ve read these chapters, particularly Proverbs 7, I’ve always thought there was a secondary thought for wives. It’s not the primary purpose, yet it is an interesting insight. Because I’m a guy, I’ve never had the guts to say it. Until now…

Proverbs 7 tells the story of a foolish man, making a horrendous decision, and paying a serious price. The responsibility is his. Yet notice what type of woman destroys the man:

  • She looked for him at a time of weakness. (7.6)
  • She went to him. (7.10)
  • She dressed seductively. (7.10)
  • She was aggressive. (7.13)
  • She sought him. (7.13)
  • She was prepared for him. (7.14–15)
  • She invited him to an all-night adventure (I’m such a pastor, I just used the word “adventure” instead of saying sex). (7.18)
  • She spoke seductively. (7.21)

As women read the description of the adulterous woman, they are repulsed. Men, not so much.

There is a reason a man falls for the woman in Proverbs 7. He is weak and she knows how to exploit his weakness. (See: The Greatest Aspect of Sex)

Every week I implore men to put proper boundaries in place so that they will not fall for this type of woman.

What I haven’t said, until now, is: if other women are pursuing your husband with such zeal, how much energy should you exert in pursuing him?

Remember, I get it. I know he has a responsibility. I’m not excusing his laziness. If I were writing to him, I would tell him to pick up his clothes, help with the kids, and stop whining. But I’m not writing to him. Trust me, I tell men those things, but right now I’m writing to you. One thing Proverbs 7 should remind you of is how important sex is and how much a man loves to be the center of a woman’s sexual attention.

It’s not just a want; it’s a created desire (sadly, some of you just thought “created” meant the man created it, instead of understanding it as from our Creator).

On a regular basis I speak with couples whose sex life is anything but healthy. Weeks have passed without any real intimacy. Even when it does happen, it takes place in the context of guilt or coercion. Sometimes years pass without them getting help. It is tragic. It is contrary to God’s creation. It is dangerous. (Watch: A Sunday Sermon About Married Sex)

Unless there are extenuating circumstances, men in a marriage with an unhealthy sexual relationship are sitting ducks.

While a man is responsible for his decisions, a wife can be a tremendous partner in his pursuit of healthy sexuality.

If you want to know where to start, read back over Proverbs 7. Notice what the adulterous woman does. Do that.

Notice the only thing the woman did which was ungodly was she used what God had given her in the wrong context. Instead of focusing her attention on her husband, she focused her attention on another man. None of her actions would have been sinful had they been directed toward her husband.

Proverbs 7 serves as a stern warning to men. It does the same for women. Others are going after your man, will you go after him as well?

Don’t know where to start?

Check out this book: The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex

or check out these blogs:

The Marriage Bed

To Honor and Vacuum

Now, ladies, it is your turn. What one piece of advice would you give to men regarding what women need in marriage?

 

33 Responses to This Is Only for Women, Men Shouldn’t Read
  1. Aaron W. Reply

    I didn’t read it. But it’s dangerous for a lot of reasons if you think it’s ok for a man to preach something only to the ladies and don’t want their husbands reading it. Too many reasons to explain why it’s unhealthy. Surprised you wouldn’t recognize it. Your content may even be accurate. I wouldn’t know. I challenge any man’s love for his wife that would approve of it. Sorry buddy. I still love you. I just don’t approve. Bad move….and I won’t respond or debate it with you. So don’t worry about responding to this comment.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      It’s a headline. I wrote it knowing more men would read it. When you say “I won’t respond or debate it with you,” what you are actually saying is “I don’t care about what you were trying to accomplish, I’m just going to assume I know what you meant.” That’s not fair. This is a place to exchange ideas. The point of the post was for me to say something to women that men wish women knew. I don’t control who views it or doesn’t. I assumed every man who read the headline would click on it. So good news–what you were surprised I didn’t recognize, I did recognize. I wasn’t trying to do what you thought I was. Sorry for the confusion, now go read the post.

  2. Julie Reply

    I think the same action should apply to men. Not only should women pursue their husband with their amorous flirtations and attention but the husband needs to help maintain the romance – his own amorous flirtations/attention as well. Keep the vitality of what made you fall in love with each other in the first place alive and expressive. Both parties need to communicate what makes them feel most loved and cherished. When a man makes a moman feel desirable, loved, cherished how can she not want to be responsive to his needs/wants? Reverse applies as well. I think the lack of knowing what the other partner truly needs to feel cherished/desired is part of the problem. Not only is it different between men and women but it is different things/actions among each individual person.

  3. Michel Reply

    I agree with your assessment in this post and the one regarding men’s sexuality(that brought me to this page) regarding the need of men for frequent sexual expression. I have been married to 2 men who have completely opposite expressions of sexuality and intimacy. It is for these differences that I am divorced and remarried, and the first husband was much as you described with regard to being easy prey when sex was no longer frequently practiced in our marriage. He was not open regarding the sex that he was seeking in his spouse, which was nothing short of hard core porn imitation. It was degrading and painful and therefore resisted for 2 decades. I would love to see you offer counsel to men and women (young or old) to be honest with themselves about what they expect in their marriage partner. Men’s need for sex… and women’s needs of affirmation and intimacy. Also, to encourage those who counsel in the pre-marital setting to explore these issues. And finally to encourage those caught in the trap of unhealthy sexual addictions to seek counseling to save their marriages.

    Having experienced the healthy and unhealthy I must say because of seeking out the truth of mens need for a frequent sexual encounters with his wife (through christian liturature) and undergoing honest and frank pre-marital counseling I look forward to sexual intimacy with my husband, love him more deeply, and feel more loved and appreciated because of the closeness that it brings to us. It’s definately a win – win… but this only happens when we are honest with each other and dont allow these God given desires to become taudry perversions.

  4. […] 6. You are your husband’s only proper sexual outlet. This should be his boundary and your enco... kevinathompson.com/tell-wives-one-thing
  5. Kristin Gardiner Reply

    I think there is a lot of emphasis put on sex but that isn’t what truly drives a man or woman to another person or away from their respective spouse. It can be a cause bc temptation got the best of them. More emphasis needs to be put on respecting your husband/wife’s hard work, accomplishments, efforts, etc. For example, I stay at home with my kids. I receive a lot of negative critism for that. My role is demeaned and made light of by lots of people and society. The term housewife gives an immediate mental image to most people that I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt I am nothing like. My husband praises me for my role in our family. He thanks me for things others would take for granted and just expect from their wives. Some examples being that if/when I cook a meal for my family, afterwards he says thank you for the meal and that that was excellent, if I handle an issue with the kids he says thank you for raising our kids up right and to be good people. He travels a lot which is the reason I stay at he with the kids and when he comes home I make sure the house is clean and the washer is ready for his laundry(mostly he does it while he is away but with anyone who travels there are always a few things that didn’t make it into the wash.) he says “Wow honey the house looks great.” These are just a few examples and small things that I would do without a thank you or recognition but it sure does feel nice to hear and thank you or a compliment valuing the time you put into something.

    Now on the flip side of that, I appreciate how hard my husband works for our family. I thank him for it. He basically is paid for his results with worn and sometimes he will not make anything for that week or few weeks. I tell him thank you for his effort he put into those weeks and encourage him that he is a great person and good at what he does and it will turn around. I don’t want you thinking the wrong thing, he is doing fine with his job at the moment. This is just an example. I am around so many women that when we get together their immediate focus is on griping about their husbands. I canMt contribute much to those conversations so I just listen. What I hear is kind of ugly. There is a lot of complaining about their husbands not helping with the kids, not cooking, not cleaning, not doing something they wanted to do when they wanted to do it, etc. These are women whose husbands are te primary sources of income. If/when your husband comes home from a long day at work, give him a moment to relax. He just returned from work and you expect him to go right to work for you. I am not saying they shouldn’t help with the kids, help with dinner and help clean when they can, I am saying that they deserve a moment of time to decompress after work. When they do cook or clean don’t get so mad bc they didn’t do it exactly how you would. Thank them for their efforts. If you aren’t satisfied with how they do things like that do them together so they see how you would like it done and thank them for helping.

    So basically the point I’m trying to make is to encourage one another and appreciate one another. When you say thank you to someone and appreciate what they do, they will want to do it for you again. When you snarl at them and make light of what they do you are putting a wedge between the both of you and the more you do it, the bigger it gets.

    I love my husband and appreciate the important role he plays in our family. He also loves me appreciates the equally important role I play. The kids need to see two people who love and appreciate eachother. They will emulate your relationship when they are in their own relationships so be careful with how you speak to/about your spouse.

  6. The rejected. Reply

    I quite like your blog so far, even as a non-believer. I’m a divorcé, and much of your advice and comment on marriage rings very true. However, I find a pretty strong stereotype theme that is neither completely helpful, nor scientifically accurate: that sex is universally more important, and in a completely different way, to a man than a woman.

    Though even I, a woman, never saw it coming, I ended up in what seemed at first the classic and ecstatic love, which quickly led to marriage to a man who soon revealed an attitude that does seem to me to be more prevalent in the Christian (at least Baptist) woman’s mind – that sex is, at best, a tertiary concern to be attended to, perhaps, once every other impulse and activity is exhausted.

    Now, of course, this made me worry I was unattractive or disgusting to him in some way. But as my continuing friendship with this man reveals, withholding sex was a means to power and temporary self esteem in a relationship where he was frequently reminded (casually, in friendship and in other public settings) of exactly how attractive others found his wife.

    I felt I tried everything. Careful supportive discussion. Lingerie. Anger. But ultimately came to feel that if one member of a marriage is actually clinging to, and wearing as an accessory, his poor self-concept (it makes for better songwriting, goes the theory), and is unwilling to work to trade it for a healthier one, it may not be possible to convince him to.

    Compounding this problem was his subscription to the idea that denial of the flesh is more spiritual than obeying it. Pehaps it’s more accurate to say sheer ignoring of the flesh, to extremes of his hygienic neglect. Which isn’t sexy either.

    And so. The classic gender roles were reversed. I, the woman, never got laid. I was not alright with this. It ended the marriage, and before faithfulness, thank you very much. I found no way to communicate how important this issue was to me and even felt the latter discussions entrenched him in his position. Once even admitted this to me. “Do not give her what she wants,” he found himself thinking. And requests for counseling or mutual book reading were repeatedly ddenied.

    Celibaby did not work for me and we divorced. Lack of sex wasn’t the only problem, but without that , I don’t doubt we’d still be together. We were both devastated. Now that it’s over and I’ve moved on, his lap is singing a different song. Maybe that one will sell.

    And so. Just wanted to give a different perspective of the issue of sex, and defend it by saying it turns out to be much more common than you might think. We’re not always that different, men and women, and sometimes it’s the man who takes the role of less desire, for any number of reasons. And let me tell you, It Is Lame.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Thank you for your comments. You are right that my posts have been slanted in one direction, but I plan on changing that (maybe even next week). I have promised some readers that I would write a post about relationships where the men have a lower sex drive. I think the stat is about 70/30 men to women regarding who has the higher sex drive. So look for that post soon. Thanks for sharing your experience. It will be helpful as I consider that article.

  7. Jesse Reply

    Women want respect. It’s even okay that our spouses have some sexual deviations and “perversions” as long as they are respectful to us. My husband is a pig. And I say this simply because he is embarrassingly disrespectful to me and I’m very good to him sexually. It’s true that if some women would take the time to act like their husband’s mistress as well as their wife, there might be better results with their intimacy. Not in my case, but my husband is an exception, not the rule.

  8. Ron Reply

    Kevin,
    I think your article is fine. You had a single, focused goal in mind. No one can write a single, 500-word article that covers every base, lists every exception, and provides every caveat to make sure that no one feels left out, overlooked or slighted. Be encouraged. It was good.

    By highlighting the Proverbs 7 woman you wisely remind us that Satan tries to counterfeit every good gift of God. The adulterous woman of Proverbs 7 is Satan’s counterfeit of the Shulamite bride in Song of Solomon. Let’s look at the Shulamite in SOS…

    Chapter 1- She praises her husband with words of admiration and longing
    Chapter 2:17- She initiates sex with her husband, asking him to be like a stag (virile buck deer)
    Chapter 3- She pursues her husband
    Chapter 4:16- She begs him to ravish her, using such sensual language that if it were not cloaked in metaphor you could not print it here. It is adult language for the marriage bed only.
    Chapter 5- She daydreams about the sensuality and desirability of her husband when he is away. And then she tells him about her daydream!
    Chapter 7- She invites him out on a date early in the morning to go on a picnic in the countryside. She brings exquisite and sensual fruits to eat. Then she makes love to her husband outdoors
    Chapter 8- Again she asks him to be like a stag and take her.

    I’m a man, and I know hundreds of men, and most of us would agree that a wife who treats her husband this way has definitely got our attention! All of this is godly behavior by a godly wife who knows how to enthrall a man.

    So what I see in your article is that the Proverbs 7 woman is attempting to steal “everywoman’s” husband by being a counterfeit of the Song of Solomon Shulamite. What the wise wife will do is be like the virtuous Shulamite. This will help to take much of the allure out of the empty promises and enticements of the Proverbs 7 adulteress. Pr 7 woman ain’t got nothin’ on the SOS wife!

    Excellent article Pastor Kevin!

  9. peter Reply

    u r da best person thanx for dis blog GOD bless u.
    Am a bachelor and 2 sisters are on my kneck with my heart i love the younger one bcoz she is the one I seduced and she introduce me to her elder sister who intern begane to fall in love with me. for sure am weak as you had said men are weak. I wish to discuss this with my girlfriend but its hard. This elder sister is weaked for she placed medicine in my drink and I came to realize after comitting sex with her and she even took photos while we were on our evil act. she threatened to show her sister if I dare do anything crazzy
    please help me am on fire

  10. Mysti R. Reply

    This comment might be better served on a different post, but I’ll share it here as I’m a woman, married, and watching everything fall apart at the seams as I’ve parented a child instead of marrying a partner – and have already been through adultery in this marriage both physically and emotionally (on his part). Although I am typically poignant in conversation, my emotions do have a better hold of me at this moment and I ask that you bear with my rambling.

    I struggle with sex, partly because my husband believes that groping me and grabbing my rear or breasts or groin at every passing is perfectly acceptable – even in front of our children – even though I have asked that he not do this more times than I can count. I feel as though I am nothing more than a sex object as he chooses not to engage in any conversation or involvement with myself OR our children unless he is being shown that he is appreciated by sex in return (his words, not mine). That is only part of the problem, however. I also have a connective tissue disorder and sex is extremely painful for me. Engaging once leaves me suffering for days due to my hips dislocating. I have shared this with my husband many times over the years, but by his words even as recently as last night, that doesn’t matter because I am to satisfy his desires, no matter the physical cost to myself and our family. So my question:

    Is there anything I can do to help my husband see intimacy as more important than physical sex? To me, closeness and positive (not groping) touch is far more valuable when it comes to the overall state of a marriage — and truthfully — if our marriage is to heal many changes need to take place, but him respecting me as a person as well as my physical health is a necessity.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      I would highly encourage you both to attend marriage counseling as a third party is necessary to assist you through this struggle. If he refuses, I would encourage you to go without him. Without more facts, my first assumption is that you both need to learn what intimacy should look like considering your physical condition. You are right that he needs to learn proper touch which makes you feel loved and encouraged. At the same time, it sounds as though you may be downplaying the importance of sexual touch as a form of needed intimacy for your husband. It seems as though there is work to be done.

      • NotReallyMe Reply

        Kevin, I don’t think she’s downplaying the importance of sexual touch as she is in the ways he’s doing the touching (groping and grabbing)! A problem that I’ve noticed between men and women in intimate sexual relations, is that they do to the other person what feels good to them or they follow the golden rule, “do onto others as you would have them do to you” but this is where another difference lies between men and women in their wants and needs. Our anatomy is very different, men’s external and women’s more internal. When I think of ihow it might be for men, I think of it in comparison to external parts of my body, like my hands or arms, that being external body parts are exposed to the “elements” more often, build a tolerance per sae or build a protective shield, thicker skinned (get calloused or become scar tissue from wounds) it desensitizes the body part in one way or another. Where on the other females reproductive organs are internal, therefore extremely sensitive, thinned skinned, easily damaged or hurt which is painful in the same way slicing off a few layers of skin on a mans finger feels. So where a man needs more, firmer or label it aggressive grabbing and groping, or he likes it this way doesn’t mean that it is the same for women or that it feels the same to us. Pinching, pulling and twisting our nipples off, usually isn’t the best turn on! Though, some women like it, want it or need it rougher than most, it is not the norm and even those who do, it’s usually occasional and dependent on the moment. If you’d been stabbed or shot, would you want someone grabbing at that sensitive/painful spot? And on the other hand, as women we like kisses on our necks, soft brushes against our flesh, feeling a man’s breath on our cold or hot skin, butterfly kisses and soft embraces…..but unfortunately these things don’t do the same for a man and if this is how you approach your man, he’ll feel like you left him hanging………

    • NotReallyMe Reply

      Mysti, man can I so relate! For me, it’s gone beyond the “sex object”, to now I refer to myself as just the sperm catcher! It is truly degrading and so very destructive! I pray that your able to find the way to get out of your marriage what you need!

  11. Sally4th Reply

    Head games are for the weak and spineless, wow, it took less than a few hours to solidify the watery weakness of this blog.

    So sad that the words guide many.

    Mysti R, I think this website is the wrong one for you. Did your husband send you here? Please get help for yourself.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Sally, at no point would I recommend mind games. I have written about an important mindset. I do encourage women to pursue their husbands in the same way I encourage husbands to pursue their wives. I don’t know what “it took less than a few hours to solidify the watery weakness of this blog” means, but if it means you spent a few hours on my blog, thanks for your time. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more helpful to you.

  12. Kendra Reply

    It can be difficult for a woman to WANT to seek out her husband in this way when her needs aren’t being met either. When she is the sole financial provider of the family, and he is not contributing to the household needs, but rather building a business (albeit he believes the business will better THEIR future, as does she). She needs help in the present. She’s taking care of it all (even buys groceries and does the cooking. He does do some household chores, but not all). So, as I saw in a different blog comment, who “goes first”? Does she “pretend” to want sex and the physical intimacy with her husband in the hopes that he will do something about financial provision? Or does she wait and see? Neither husband nor wife are getting what they need; therefore, neither are satisfied in this marriage.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Great questions Kendra. In my opinion, you probably need an outside person to help the two of you figure out the path forward.

  13. glendakuhn Reply

    A wife wants a husband to respond to her flirtations, not reject them. Rejection will makes her less likely to try again. A wife wants his attention when she speaks and help with chores. For her, this says he really cares about what is important to her.

  14. melissab Reply

    We wives are created so differently. This is a great reminder! Thanks so much!

  15. Pix Reply

    It’s not just solely a wife’s job to seduce her husband, but his job to seduce her too. I think that both people can be tempted. I have been tempted so many times, because I wasn’t getting any attention at all at home, despite asking for attention and not getting any. Most men, even if they are Christian will not care if you are married, if they are interested in u and are not happy in their own marriages. Even if I was flirting with them, to get attention I wasn’t getting at home, in the back of my mind it disgusted me that these men would pursue a married woman. Even though I was doing the same thing. But in my opinion and experience, most men are pigs, in my eyes. I’ve encountered them so many times in my life, even as a child being sexually molested by family friends and other men/guys my age. I truly don’t like men. I am in a marriage that is not that happy. I am surviving and he is too. He is the only man that isn’t as perverted as most of the other men I’ve mentioned here. He has never cheated as far as I know, except for looking at porn in secret at one point. But he definitely lacks in sex drive. I do too, but at no fault of my own. If I could wave a magic wand, I would want us to pursue each other, because of our feelings of love towards each other and to make the other person happy and feel desired and wanted. Going outside the marriage for attention isn’t the right thing to do. But it felt good to get good feedback from strangers. Good but bad. I don’t know. It’s a dead end really. But felt really bad about it. But it also made me see how men really operate. A woman being married, doesn’t faze most men. They will flirt with you and persue u, married, engaged or not. Disgusting.

  16. Carol Reply

    I would have to add, that a marriage license isn’t a license to let yourself go. I see so many men putting women down who are overweight because they are sexually stimulated by an attraction to a woman. Here’s the deal, too many men do not take care of themselves after getting married. They feel that they got her now and they don’t have to do anything. The very ones who even complain of a woman being overweight have bellies that stick out further than their lower extremities. Some of these guys even act proud of it by placing their hands on their stomach as if they’re a pregnant woman. Women like to be attracted to their man as well as a man being attracted to a woman. Our eyeballs work just as good as their’s do. I wish there was a tactful way to convey this terrible fact.

  17. […] But great sex is not saved for adultery. (See: This is Only for Women, Men Shouldn’t Read) [&#... kevinathompson.com/learning-adulterer
  18. Nithya Reply

    Hi,thanks for the thoughtful post.I appreciate you helping people out as a pastor here becos I have problems getting people pray for me since I can’t discuss my problem with them.So this platform is great.I am based out of south India.I was a Hindu but got saved in 2011.I had problems converting(baptising) and ended up marrying a guy who is a Hindu but accepted my beliefs.However what he rejected was that Jesus was the only God.Now we started living in sydney( abroad) but had problems becos his parents also came to stay.Like they opposed my reading bible etc.We developed problems and he became resistant to counselling options.I eventually called police and asked them to tell him to accept to attend counselling.I am now accused of spoiling his career becos of this.He has now wantedly stopped working(took long leave) and we are staying separately.He is accusing mW of cheating.Now I have baptised last year.He hasn’t had any contact with me for last 8 months and is literally hiding.I did suspect him and confront him before calling the police when his female ex colleague visited from U.S with her family.I was jealous I wasn’t getting the attention I needed.It was also our relationship had begun downhill.What could i have done better? Pls advice.I hope on Jesus to save my husband and bring to me.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      I’m not sure what you could have done. If he is not willing to take personal responsibility for his actions, it will be very difficult to have a healthy marriage.

  19. Lauren I Reply

    How can wives overcome fear of rejection in order to pursue their husbands sexually? For me it feels unnatural to be the pursuer. I used to try to initiate but was rejected several times in favor of watching tv instead. He didn’t reject me every time, but quite a few times and even jokingly said that I should stop being so sexual so often because then it would become boring (as in too commonplace I guess). We have an otherwise harmonious marriage, but I’ve just left the initiating up to him because I get this feeling that he prefers to be the initiator. It just goes against everything I’ve always read in marriage articles that say that men want to be pursued sexually by their wives. Maybe my husband is just the exception to the rule?

  20. Unbiased Reply

    Great article, as well as the one asking women to try to understand one thing more than any other – our desire for sex and how it equates to the feeling of being desired and reverenced.

    I truly believe that your words cover how most loving and caring Christian men feel, and address the true blindness women often have in understanding a man’s sexual desire.

    Of course, to the pagan, none of your words can be understood, as sex, marriage, and the relationships between men and women has all been totally corrupted by society. This means most problems, and comments, cannot be properly addressed, since their is no true belief and understanding, as well as loving commitment, to God’s Word. This also addresses the struggle with marriages where one may be born-again and the other not. Short of a “renewing” of the mind, an unsaved spouse just can’t see it. Sex IS cheap, misunderstood and confusing to the lost. The MEN often are pigs, and the women manipulative feminists who cant get past the “who goes first” game.

    Back to Christian women trying to understand sex with a Christian husband… just as we men are quickly taught and programmed to understand a woman’s sensitivities to such things as weight and looks – we never dare criticize and must seek to affirm them because we love them and they will be hurt long-term if we don’t use great care – women need to be careful to understand men’s sensitivity to the desire for, and connection with sex. If they dare criticize our manhood in any subtle way, or make it seem like they don’t want us, it hurts us very much. Men are men and were programmed to want very much to be sexy hero’s to their women. Praise, affirmation, longing, ravishing desire, and seeking his “studliness”. This is what TRUE “reverence” IS, as referred to in the Bible – not the fake word “respect”. “Respect” is to “reverence” what “acceptable” is to “extraordinary” – it does not even scratch the surface when attempting to encompass the full meaning. So how is this done? We follow the roles God gave. Women stay at home and raise a family with an eye only on their husband. This means turning off the crap online and in cable TV, as their minds become corrupted and their pride and list starts to chip away at their natural desire and affection for their man.

    Same with men. Keep your eyes on your wife and stay away from female co-workers, porn, or anything that deadens your appreciation, love and desire for your wife.

    It’s a beautiful thing when you find two true born-again Christians who understand this and set their mind on one another, as the Lord would have them do. Their selfishness is lost and their focus is fixed on the other. The joy is greater than any other in life.

    Unfortunately, few will ever see such joy as so few are awakened and committed to God’s Word, while even those that receive His Word with joy become choked and dead due to the cares of the world and the lusts of the flesh.

    Keep up the good work Pastor!

  21. Lauren I Reply

    My husband doesn’t seem to mind going without sex for weeks. Even if he tries and I’m not in the mood, he doesn’t seem bothered by it. Sometimes I try and he’s not in the mood. I know he often handles the physical side of it on his own so he doesn’t need me for the release, but he also doesn’t seem to have a real need for the emotional connection aspect of it. He says he doesn’t feel any more or less connected to me if we have sex. Knowing this, I just don’t see the point in putting a bunch of effort into sex. It doesn’t mean anything to him. At least that’s what he says. Maybe my husband is just not like other men?

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