Mar 172016 51 Responses

5 Signs She Doesn’t Love You

“I love you,” is easily said, but not easily lived.

Love is a word we use to mean many different things. We say we love our dog, a good hamburger, a nice quilt, a good compliment, and a romantic love interest. The word is far too quickly used in new relationships and often still repeated even after all the love is gone.

But saying you love someone doesn’t mean you actually do. Just because someone says they love you doesn’t mean they actually do. How is a man to know if a woman is telling him the truth? Thankfully, her actions tell the real story. When her actions match her words, her love is true. When they don’t, it is fair to question.

See: 5 Signs He Doesn’t Love You

Here are 5 common actions from women who aren’t in love:

1. She won’t talk to you. Many women open up their lives for those they love. They desire to be known and a key element to being known is through telling our story. Husbands often misunderstand this about wives. When she is telling you about her day, she isn’t just reciting facts. She is letting you into her heart. When a woman reduces communication with a man, it’s a sign that she doesn’t love him.

2. She won’t sacrifice for you. Few things are as sacrificial as a woman in love. Look at a mom with her newborn–her love causes her to never question her sacrifice. So it is when a woman loves a man. She sacrifices for him (just as he should sacrifice for her). While many women could do better to be a little more “selfish” about their time and dreams, when a woman refuses to sacrifice for a man, it’s a clear sign she doesn’t love him. She might enjoy him. She might be using him. But she isn’t loving him.

3. She doesn’t admire you. Women can have a parental love for those they don’t respect, but they can’t have a romantic love without admiration. They can lust after someone who isn’t admirable, but they can not love him. Women respect those they love. I often see this played out in a negative way in marriages when a woman loses respect for her husband because of laziness or poor choices. In those situations, her love can quickly fade. If a woman doesn’t admire you, she doesn’t love you. (See: 5 Ways a Wife Respects Her Husband)

4. She doesn’t honor your mom/family. Men do not operate well when they are caught between their mom and their significant other. Men want both women happy. While not every mother or family deserves total respect, a woman in love will honor your mom just for being your mom. She might disagree with your mother’s decisions or not appreciate aspects of her personality, but she will do her best to honor the woman you call mom. She will also honor your family. Within proper boundaries, she will do her part because of her love for you. If a woman won’t honor your family, she probably won’t honor you.

5. She won’t put you above her friends. It’s been said that when a woman enters into a serious relationship, she loses 1-2 friends. Why? Because there is only so much time a person can give. Friendship requires quality and quantity time together. Women (and men) need good relationships outside of dating or marriage, but those relationships must come second to the one they love. When a woman continually chooses her friends over you, it’s a sign she doesn’t love you.

Early in a relationship, a woman is under no obligation to love you. As a matter of fact, if she falls in love too quickly with you, I would run. (See: Accept the Temporary Nature of Friendships)

However, there comes a time in which she must decide if she is in or out of the relationship. In those moments, she can say a lot of things, but whether or not she loves you will be defined more by her actions than her words.

What would be a 6th sign a woman doesn’t love you?

51 Responses to 5 Signs She Doesn’t Love You
  1. Allie Reply

    This article is so off-base. She doesn’t talk to you? Well maybe you didn’t listen for the past oh, 25 years so she gave up. She doesn’t admire you??? Well, maybe she has lived in verbal, sexual, physical and mental abuse the whole marriage. Is he to BE admired? You act like it’s a right to be admired. I don’t know, but this article is really bizarre. Very shallow.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Allie,
      I’m sorry for your pain and for your partners refusal to treat you as he should. I do think, however, you have read something into the article that isn’t there. It seems like you’ve assumed you should love your partner. In my opinion, you shouldn’t be in a relationship where he treats you like this. NO, you shouldn’t admire him. No, you shouldn’t talk to him. I believe you should take this list and make sure you are doing none of these things for a man who doesn’t treat you right.

  2. Johnny Call Reply

    I believe this article was written for people early in a relationship, not in a decades-long marriage.

    • Jeff S Reply

      I believe it becomes even more important as the newly wed feelings fade and commitment is what keeps couples together. Love is a verb.

  3. Pushkar Kikla Reply

    I agree with what your saying. I am not loved.

  4. BEN Reply

    i love my g f over 4year relation but she love me back

  5. Michelle Reply

    I agree with this article very much. Aside from an abusive relationship (which you should get out of) there is no reason NOT to do these things if you honestly say you love them. Love is a choice. Therefore you choose to speak, choose to sacrifice, you choose to honor their family, you choose to recognize what your partner does and admire that.. Instead of what they don’t do. You choose to put your partner above your friends. I think that when you love someone.. you continue to make these choices for decades.. If not, you are comfortable and taking your partner for granted.

    • Anonymous Reply

      ^^^^Thanks for making your comment Michelle, it was refreshing to read. Its not often I’ve heard someone state that love is a choice. But it’s true and I’m glad to see someone still believes that love is an active choice.

  6. Rusty Shacklepan Reply

    I have been in a relationship with my wife for over 11 years. During our first years, she was always jealous of my having any attention toward other women. I used to tell her, do you not see other men? Of course you do. But you stay with me. And in turn I stay with you. For example, if I like how a particular girl’s butt looks, I won’t think, “Oh I want to go get that girl.” I will think instead, “what kind of shorts were those? Where can I get them for Trina, so she can wear them and accentuate her butt like that girl did.”

    Today, I kind of miss her being jealous. She seems to trust I would never bone another girl unless my wife is in the same room. But that’s not what is worrying me. I am worried that my wife doesn’t love me because she is not affectionate with me. I cannot be sure if she truly has lost her love for me, because she does many things for me, related to gift giving and acts of service. But my primary love “language”, if you will, is physical touch. If you aren’t touching me, I don’t feel loved.

    I also need quality time; which she would rather not provide either.

    She’s a gorgeous exotic blondie from Australia. I have enjoyed years of happy and eventful days with her. But I wonder now if we have a future.

    I need help. Someone let me borrow a million dollars, will you? I need a new job. How’s that for thought salad?

  7. Akshay Reply

    I am in a relationship from 1 year .but she doesn’t want to meet me ….does she love me

  8. Lenzing Reply

    Some points click and some dont. Which should i go with?

  9. Lenzing Reply

    She doesn’t sacrifice for me . She hasn’t evenot once put me above her friends. And she has stopped doing things she once used to do. She tells that she’s busy but her actions prove otherwise .

  10. David Reply

    Please, there is this girl Have been asking out for the past 7month now, but we talk everyday and I give and sacrifice alot for her but she hasn’t accept my proposal….judging from the above point.. Because she has not for once sacrifice for me and she doesn’t open up easily judging from this is it adviceable I give up now and move on with my life or I keep trying because I love but I feel like am getting tired. Please help me out.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Sounds like the relationship is one sided.

      • USMC Sniper Reply

        Kevin, sounds a lot like my relationship, minus the history and sacrifices. Bro, my best advice is to follow your heart. If it keeps leading you to make these unresponsive sacrifices, well keep doing it. If you have reached your limit and feel that it’s better to focus your energy on yourself, then make the break. No-one can ever advise you to actions that you don’t feel justified. Look at your life and analyze what’s best for you, with or without her. I wish my advise worked for me, but there are 100’s of levels of history and current life and day to day situations that don’t make it a possible scenario for me. Don’t be like me. Combat death is my next best option. Take care and keep me posted

  11. USMC Sniper Reply

    I work 90 hrs a week. I pay 2/3 of all bills, I text her multiple times a day as to how I love and miss her while I’m at work. No matter how many hours a day I work, she always gets a foot and leg massage. I gave up Everything in my life to be with her. I treat her like a goddess everyday. I can’t count how many times I’ve said your everything to me, my world, my life and how much I love her. On a good day I may get a “thanks”, but I’m tired or my work day sucks. I finance everything, I give 110% of me, my love, my life on a daily basis. When I question it, or bring it up in a conversation the best I can hope for is “I told you love u 2 like 2 hrs ago”. This is my princess, this is the love of my life. This is the person I sacrificed EVERYTHING for. Delivered flowers to her work every week, I do most of the housework, pay most of the bills, put forth all efforts. The BeSt I can hope for is a random luv u, she talks about our future. One week giving me ring sizes and styles, the next week “I don’t ever want to get married”. I’m not an irrational schmuck, I get that I put in more than I get. In 2 decades she has been and always will be the love of my life. A 10 year re deployment in the Marine Corps ruined it. Her life went on, as did mine. But she looked my up on Facebook about 16 months ago, she divorced, I divorced…we bought a house, we made plans for the future. Except for the last 5 months it’s as if only my efforts, my dreams and the occasional (used loosely) reference from are all that there is. If I’m just some combat stupid Marine who is missing the obvious than I can adjust and live with that, but I met her when she was 18, I had to go back to war and we did all of this when I was 39 and she was almost 34. If opinion states it’s over, I can overcome and adapt, but she is my everything, she is the woman I completely changed everything for, relocation, job, etc. She is the person that I give 110% everyday, no matter how my day is and on my best week I feel like 15% of her life. Is it me???? Am I overthinking this?? Or am I living a lie? I’m so emotionally screwed that I have to ask strangers opinion, but I will gladly go back to combat and call it a day versus giving everything to someone who makes me feel irrelevant. And before I go, if I don’t make the coffee, write a note, give an unresponsive kiss goodbye, text when I arrive, and throughout the day there is something wrong with me and I don’t love her. Just looking for thoughts.

    Semper Fi,
    Marine Corps Sniper

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Might need to seek help from a counselor to help figure out the answer to these questions.

    • Big al Reply

      I hope you never did marry that girl. If you did I’m pretty sure you are either divorced already or living in an absolutely terrible marriage. I just don’t understand how you can think someone that treated you like that is your “everything” girl. She sounds more like a big nothing…

  12. […] Maybe she never received acceptance from her father and now she continually seeks the approval of m... kevinathompson.com/attracted-wrong-men
  13. luv saroha Reply

    I am in a relationship from 2year and she put her friends above me is she love me

  14. Call me J Reply

    She tells me she wants to spend her life withe she loves me she adores me but yet alwayz the 1st to start and argument about any and everything i sacrificed my job family moved to another state for her yet she says ive done nothing for her she breaks up with me then call me back talks and we have a sentimental conversation and promise to mot fight and disrespect but yet not even 24hrs the loop begins she threatens me rips my clothes my car is damage hell im even at a point of repossession leaving my job for her which she promise to help now im here in awhole amother state on christmas withoit my family nit yet im here with hers its gotten to a point where i was accised of talking to another girl because i used her mothers phone to call her wth..ik. Dumb even typing this is an embarrassment but i love to hard im either all in pr not at all and now i feel im to the point i destroyed myself i dont even speak with anyone anymore i feel controlled and manipulated there so much to say p.s she also told me if i tried togety job back she dont wanna be with me anymore

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      When someone says they “love too much” it might show they struggle to create proper boundaries. This can cause the other person to feel smothered. This might be something to consider before your next relationship.

  15. Angelo Reply

    Love starts with attraction. If that does not develop on BOTH sides early-on, there is dim hope for a long relationship. Plan B is to hang in there for a few months months to develop whether the other side will come up. After that, it is highly likely that only the “friends” character will survive.
    I am in a relationship now where I love her more than she loves me (both widowed). This has been on for 5 years. Real problem is that she is the first ever that I have allowed myself to fall in love willfully, and for this to fail will leave me with a lonely life for the time we have remaining. I have said I love her; she never has done so. Right now she is being friendly and helpful in planning my visit to her for a week where she is wintering in another state. I will look for signs of love developing. Meeting educated and healthy single women in their late 70’s and up is very difficult to impossible.

  16. Dequan Lewis Reply

    I am newly married 10 months and my wife won’t let go of a guy friend she has so we separated we are attracted to each other but I am 12 years younger than her and she has insecurities because she is over weight I show her everyday that I’m in love with her yet our communication brings down so fast on the smallest thing I am currently in school now so get these loans and when I get the money everything be sweet but as soon as I run out it’s a problem like I love her but I also has seen since we been separated that the grass is greener on the other side and it makes me wonder if I get back with her will I be waistline my time and energy love and money I have accepted all her flaws but because she is older she tries to control me but I am a alpha male I don’t get controlled I want us to be evenly match but idk I was waiting on her to come get me but of course a argument broke out of no where she say she love me but her actions is questionable I am debating on if I should just end here while I have the chance I need fun and communication and love and we have our fun at time but the arguments is starting to put weight the good I have my flaws but I am a good man and I know my worth these article just made me realize that I’m not getting what I deserve idk it’s not easy being a man with feelings

  17. Marshawn Reply

    She never tells me she love me we have been dating for 14 months and she doesn’t want to make it official I’ve never met her friends or family and see never use names of her family or friends. I always make the first contact and suddenly she wants to be celibate and said it was just to try something new. We still go out and I see her once or twice a week. She always say tomorrow or Shes tired. What do yall think

  18. Milaad Rohi Reply

    I agree 100%. Of course we men have to do our due diligence as well. The problem when one is in love, they do not notice the very obvious and continue.

  19. Sad Reply

    The sixth sign would be when a woman is happy when he stays late at the office or goes on a long trip.

  20. Edvin Reply

    Hi everyone ,i hope that you had a good day
    my girlfriend and i had a relationship for about 4 month,we are in the same university but she studies in a different filed and we are not classmates, we knew each other before going to relationship just by texting and chating through internet and seeing each other just a meanwhile in university,any way …
    After we started our relationship ,we were just together for a week ,not much together:),after that she came and told me that she is not ready to have such these relationship and told me our worlds are not in the same form,i asked her to come out and meet eachother and told her we were just together for about 4 hours in this week,and solved her ambiguities and we came back together,in this 4 month my biggest problem was that i used to be a goodboy and do things in her desired way like that she always asked me to hang out and stuff like that,let me notice that its my first relastionship
    During the relationship she used to send me lovig posts ,pictures and when i used to tell her i love u she used to tell me ,me to
    In the last month of our relationship i started to do my jobs and taking care of myself and didnt response to her and taking care of her
    And we didnt see each other for one or two weeks because i should travel to somewhere,
    One day i saw her that she came out from her class and she was so nervous and sad ,i went to her and just told her why are you like this,and got upset and left her alone,and she texted me few hours later whats happend to you?are you taking a revenge?i answerd her no ,in a cold way,a week after,i went through chat and started to stick in her mind and saying why are you upset why are you mad and stuff like that,she finally got forced by me to tell that she was not in love and she had some standards to be with me,and i found out that she got dissappointed from me,and at that time i went panic and told her lets cut this relationship,and she said ok and the next day her friend came to me and gave me the gift that she bought for my birthday which was a week after that time,so i started to dump myself for doing this things and cuttimg the relationship by myself,so i decided to text her to forgive me,i started to aplogize her and saying words like im begging her,she told me this relationship has been ended and i made my decesion,and dont want anymen in my life now on.
    after a week i went to see her,and first she refused but after that she said ok,when i went to her she didnt even let me speak,because my words were like before and i didnt change(just i tlod her give me achance please),after that i text her again and she blocked me,and i dont know really what to do now,because i love her from bottom of my heart and she is a really good girl
    Let me say that in the past she told her friends that she loved me,but now she said that you and other men are same to me and i dont have anyfeelings about you,and i asked her that one day you said that you love me,she said ohhhh ,i was lying at that time.
    she is a stubborn girl with strong characterestics and i was weak in front of her and it made her to hate me
    And i was the first boy in her life.
    Sorry for this long story,i just need your help ,becaude i dont wanna lose her
    My pleasure…

  21. Greatness Reply

    Well love is a mirrow of hope. If u fall in love with a girl an she refuse to love u, just don’t give out because it better u make ur love cheap for those who will return it with happiness than to make it cheap for those who will just troll it away. Live a life of love is living a life of happiness. So if u don’t get that happiness u are looking for, just forget about the person and follow the one who truly love u. For me I follow my creator

  22. Mika Reply

    She did not even say I love you back after all the things I did for her and she did not want to improve herself with nothing also in life so I said get lost to her finally. I’m a man who knows what he he brings to the table daily and if a woman don’t appreciate my love my care and hard working plus don’t shows me love back. I will just go fishing to other better woman who can provide me same love back its that simple for me. Because of those kind fcdup women around we forget to appreciate real women who deserves everything.

  23. Kevin M Reply

    My relationship seems to be on complete edge. Ive exhausted all of my being into enveloping myself into loving her. We broke up, and recently started dating again after we found out we were having a child. i don’t feel like im being reciprocated, and it doesn’t feel like a amicable relationship.
    There are long drawn out moments were i cave into feeling of deep oppression.i seek to find comfort in the potential love she has for me. i want to be touched (non sexually), to be spoken to with powerful words of affirmation. i crave to have a connection with her to be honored, admired, and respected. I pains my to lie in bed at night wondering all the things that i can’t talk to her about, and it drives me crazy that the resolve has everything to do with us communicating. i lie in bed feeling more alone with her around. i feel ignored.
    she doesn’t show me affection in front of others, and hardly in private. i miss her touch and the love that she holds for everyone else but not me. i want us to be able to lean in and connect. i miss her. i miss me. i feel very cold and alone here with these knowings, and feelings. i hope that time apart will heal our connection.

  24. Broken Reply

    I’ve been married for 4 years. I love my wife a lot but I have not been the best husband. She has sacrificed so much for me and she has always put me first. I have let her down and crushed her heart several times and she is still with me. She recently told me that she has become mentally and physically attracted to another man. I am crushed. I love her so much and do not want to lose her. She says she’s not leaving and that she does love me but is not feeling the sexual desire anymore. When I ask her to stop talking to the guy she gets mad at me and says I’m pushing her towards him. I’m literally mentally ill over this. Someone please help me fix this. I don’t want to lose my wife she is the best thing in my life.

  25. Nazmul Reply

    Why look for so many signs! Just ask your heart and it will ans you whether u are loved or not.

  26. Anonymous Reply

    Hi,
    I love a Girl who lives in a different city, we barely get to talk as she does her household work, she goes to college and we do not get ample amount of time to speak. She used to talk to me over the phone when she was not going to college, but now she says that she either gets tired or the schedule is too hectic to bear. Whenever I say that I love her she sends emojis that I cant interpret, and when I insist her to accept my love, she says “You know about my feelings for you then why do you want to hear them all over again. I am really skeptical if she loved me or just need someone to pamper her or help her emotionally. Please advice.

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Sounds like you are chasing a bit hard and she is losing interest. Don’t flood her.

  27. Clinton Eddy Reply

    In my case I have/had (depending on ur view of where we at) a great chick, everything I wanted and I have taken her for granted and asked her to sacrifice more than she is willing,so now she seems to hold genuine resentment and regret(borderline hatred) and since realising my mistake I’ve really tried but it seems like I’ve burnt the bridge and can’t rebuild it, she will never totally end things as we have 3 beautiful kids but are we beating a dead horse?? Is it just a matter of time until she meets someone who can excite and revive her?? Once love has turned to shame it’s obviously over from her point of view is it not?? Totally lost and invisible

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      It can be recaptured but it takes a lot of work. The two of you with a professional counselor for an extended period of time is the best chance at success.

  28. Bella Reply

    Ha! To all the men complaining in the comments. There are women who love you, would love, have always loved you out here. They love the way you say certain things when youre talking about your day, the love the way you walk to the bathroom in your pjs, they love that you get up at 3 am to have a bowl of ice cream every morning, they love that you are so focused om slicing that apple for your protein shake, they love the way you take your time when you are doing the dishes, they love that look you get in your eyes when youre talking about something very important to you…

    do you give these women a chance?

    not American men.

    Why?

    Because American men fall in love with physical bodies, not the actual person inside the physical body. American men treat women like objects and then complain when then object doesnt love them LMAO!!

    Objects can love you… they are objects!

    There is one comment on here… Rusty Shackle whatever…. talking up how gorgeous and blond and exotic his wife is…. She is an object to him… not an actual person with feelings, wishes, thoughts, hopes, a life, you know? Nah..shes an Australian Blondie that hes wondering where he can get her booty shorts from.

    Objects arent affectionate… but people are. Maybe if some of you men started treated women with love instead of lust… Youd be loved in return..

    Some of you men are hilarious. You create your own problems and then get pissed when you have a problem to solve!! Or like my aunt said “you create your own storm then get upset when it rains.”

  29. Joshua Reply

    Hello sir, Am Joshua from Nigeria, I have a girlfriend, but we are far away to each other and we only see once in a year but show proof that she loves me, but I haven’t sex her before but am jealous person when she goes out and taken guys pictures and post on her status, what can i do should leave her alone

    • Kevin A. Thompson Reply

      Not sure how to have a real relationship with a person you only see once a year.

  30. John Reply

    My wife after 6 years allowed a man to come into my home with our children that she had a relations with prior to us. He was a friend of mine and his visits were not uncommon. She just recently decided to tell me what had happened between them. I’m totally besides myself. Also .. when I met my wife I asked said friend if he knew her and he said no…so .he also kept it from me.. I’m so f&^’ing confused on y my wife didnt tell me or either one for that matter…I feel like a stooge left alone in the dark while they had a fucked up mental affair..

  31. Adam Reply

    from the explain above then i have conclusion that i’m lose. the truth she not like me, and that’s fine. it’s commonly happen in life.

  32. CJ Reply

    Everytime I watch a romantic movie with her, I want to cry. I see how the girl looks at the guy and wish I had that. We were best friends and I fell deeply in love with her. Our characters seemed to match 100%. I’ve always known I loved her more than she loves me but everyday hurts. My heart aches because she doesn’t want to kiss me. She speaks as though I have no feelings. Shes pregnant now with my child and I’ve always wanted a family but I’m not sure how I can be with someone who seems not to love me. She says I love you with her mouth but her actions are so self-centered. It’s a shame because I have never loved like this and I will never again.

  33. bee-me Reply

    @CJ

    First do not close your heart off to love just because you don’t feel like this woman loves you. The problem is you see her as an extension of yourself instead of who she really is, which is why her actions and your perception create conflicting sides. Men seem to value women more when they can see traits in them they believe themselves to posses or wish they possessed. Instead of focusing on the fact that you feel like she doesn’t love you, focus on seeing who she is beneath the perceived similarities. You also need to accept that what you want may never materialize, because if it was going to it would have, especially if she is having your baby. Another thing is why is she having your baby if she doesn’t love you? I don’t know too many women who are willing to have a baby by a man they don’t love. I think you have two things you should do in this situation. The first one is figure out why do you feel the way you do. Are you possibly obscuring your view of her because of some type of fear you have that makes you think she wouldn’t love you that way, or is it genuine concern. 2. You need to communicate with her what makes you feel loved. Don’t beat around the bush, don’t blame your feelings on her and don’t try to sugar coat what you want to say. Be upfront about what you need from her to make the relationship secure for you.

  34. P.J.ANDROS Reply

    THE ARTICLE MAKES SOME GOOD POINTS. SHE LOVED ME FOR A COUPLE YEARS, THEN I SLUGGED SOME GUY IN A FIGHT AT THE ART CENTER HERE, WOULDN’T YOU BELIEVE. AFTER THAT HER ATTITUDE WAS COMPLETELY negative FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS UNTIL I DIVORCED HER FOR NOT CARING ANYMORE.

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