Feb 172014 14 Responses

Don’t Blame God When You Break Up With Your Boyfriend

It’s not God; it’s you.

She doesn’t like you anymore, but she’s too afraid to say it. So she said, “It’s God’s will.”

Nearly every month, I receive a similar message, “My boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me because she/he said it’s not God’s will for us to date.”

I say, “Baloney.”

God might call someone to repent for dating someone they should have never of dated

or

someone might choose to use their God-ordained freedom to stop dating a person,

but it would be a very unique situation for God to call someone to stop dating another.

Truth is, this “God called me” is often a cowards way of breaking up. (See: God Called Me vs. I Want To)

The relationship has run its course and instead of telling the truth, someone says, “It’s not God’s will.”

One person gets bored with the other or begins to find someone else more fascinating so they say, “God doesn’t want me to date anyone right now.”

It’s deception. The person may not realize they are lying, but they are. They are often well-intended, but wrong. It’s a failure to take personal responsibility for one’s actions.

There is no reason to be a coward. You can date whomever you want. You are under no obligation of continuing a dating relationship if you want to stop. You don’t need a reason. You don’t need an excuse. You don’t have to apologize if you want to break-up. It is perfectly acceptable to end a relationship with the sole reason of “I want to stop dating you.”

While you don’t owe anyone an explanation, you do owe them the decency of taking personal responsibility for what you are choosing.

Stop blaming God.

For the high school crowd, the most common form of blaming God comes in the line, “God doesn’t want me to date right now.” When someone says that, what they are actually saying is, “I don’t want to date you right now.” Maybe they want the freedom of not being in a relationship, maybe they have grown weary of who they are dating, or maybe they want other people to know they aren’t dating in order to see what opportunities present themselves, but whatever the situation, it’s their choice and not God’s.

Dating can be a wonderful experience. We can learn about the opposite sex, relationships, and most important, about ourselves. (See: Dating to Break-up–a Unique Perspective)

But one of the most important lessons to be learned in a dating relationship is learning to take personal responsibility for ourselves and our decisions. This begins by recognizing the freedom which God has given us and exercising that freedom in a way which submits to his will, but takes responsibility for one’s choices.

There are several reasons why someone should break-up with a boyfriend or girlfriend because of Biblical teaching:

  • the person is an unbeliever
  • the relationship is prone to unbiblical behavior (See: Pastoral Advice for Single Women)
  • God is calling him/her to an activity which is better suited for someone who is single

Yet even when the reason is Biblical, an individual should not blame God. They should exercise the responsibility they have been given by God and make the wise choice while taking full responsibility for it.

“I want to date you, but God won’t let me,” sounds kind, but its actually cruel. It’s rarely based on the truth and is often an avoidance of the real issue.

Date. Choose wisely. When relationships need to end, end them. Just be honest when you do.

For more, see:

What to Look for in a Mate

The Most Overlooked Characteristics of Who You Want to Marry

The One Piece of Advice I Would Give a 7th Grader

14 Responses to Don’t Blame God When You Break Up With Your Boyfriend
  1. […] Her desperation is the single greatest hindrance to her having an actual relationship. Anytime someo... kevinathompson.com/love-person-not-idea-love
  2. […] Ironically what most people see as the sign of great love—two people quickly becoming enmeshed wit... kevinathompson.com/date-well-to-marry-well
  3. […] On a monthly basis, I speak with women who ask me, “Why won’t he marry me?” In nearly ever... kevinathompson.com/pastoral-advice-single-women
  4. […] A more accurate Biblical statement would likely be that God has plans for our lives. Not a plan, but... kevinathompson.com/god-plan-for-your-life

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